Gunnuttery category archive

oliteness is a family value.

A preliminary investigation by detectives found that a 36-year-old man with a concealed handgun on the small of his back was play-wrestling on a bed with his 4-year-old son.

Police said, while the two were playing, the gun fell from the father’s person and a shot was fired, striking both the father and the 4-year-old in the head.

Demonstrate politeness upon the nation’s highways.

As she got closer to the exit, an unknown driver swerved in front of her. She swerved out of the way and honked her horn at the suspect as she passed him, according to police.

The suspect then pulled in front of her and slammed on his brakes, police said. She temporarily lost control of her SUV, but was able to avoid having an accident, driving around the suspect.

But the suspect continued, pulling up next to the SUV and shooting at least three rounds into the driver’s side of the car, authorities said.

The woman’s 9-year-old daughter was shot once in her left side during the incident.

And thus passeth another day in NRA Paradise.

It is widely considered inadvisable to play with your portable explosive ego exhancement engine whilst abed.

Guns and stupid, guns and stupid,
They go together like love and Cupid.
Let me tell you, brother,
You can’t have one without the other.

Practice random acts of politeness.

A suspected sniper has been taking shots at passing vehicles on a major highway in Eastern North Carolina, and it may have been going on for days, witnesses say.

Aside:

What’s with the “suspected sniper” phrasing?

Sniping is taking place, therefore there is a sniper.

Furrfu.

Demonstrate politeness as thou partakest of thy repast.

According to police, the man was eating his meal when he spotted a friend across the restaurant. The man – who is a licensed concealed carry holder – took out a pistol from a holster and set it on the chair next to him. He covered it with a napkin.

The man said hi to his friend and returned to his table when the gun went off.

The man quickly announced to the restaurant what happened and asked if everyone was alright. Everyone said they were, police said, until an 80-year-old woman seated at a nearby table said her back ached. Friends looked at her back and found a bullet had entered through her shoulder and passed out her chest.

Guns and stupid, guns and stupid,
They go together like love and Cupid.
Let me tell you, brother,
You can’t have one without the other.

Gun locks for me, but not for thee.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Show off your politeness that all may see.

The couple, 23 year old Christopher Garry and 21 year old Christina Garcia claim a man decided to show off his new gun.

They told officers the weapon fired by accident and grazed Garcia but Garry was struck in the hand and leg.

Demonstrate politeness to users of self-propelled, two-wheeled conveyances.

According to the arrest affidavit, Dickens and Stubbs were in the vicinity of Blake and Veterans Memorial Boulevard when they stopped a person riding a bicycle nearby and began yelling. According to the cyclist, Stubbs asked if the person wanted “to get smoked,” before pulling out a handgun and cocking it.

Thus passeth another day in the NRA’s Garden of Bleedin’.

Politeness just keeps truckin’ on.

One more time, “responsible gun owner” is an oxymoron.

In more news of the polite, local gun nuts desperately fear separation from their portable male members.

Aside:

I know that Freudianism has long since fallen into disrepute, but, honest to Pete, Freud would have nailed this one, because it’s all about a certain type of envy.

She phoned in the politeness.

Demonstrate courtesy whilst going about your day-to-day business.

These kids did not stand a snowball’s chance in politeness:

Shortly before 8 p.m. Saturday, officers from the Milwaukee Police Department responding to a report of a shooting arrived to find a 12-year-old girl and a 13-year-old boy suffering from gunshot wounds. It didn’t take long for authorities to figure out what had triggered the act of violence: a single snowball.

“Preliminary investigation indicates both victims were with a group of juveniles throwing snowballs at cars passing by,” the police department wrote in a series of tweets Monday. “One of the snowballs struck a white Toyota, no further description, and the driver of the auto fired shots into the group of kids striking the two victims.”

Just another day in the NRA’s winter wonderland.

And here’s an extra bonus bit of politeness.

Be polite to your neighbors.

The report states that Witt admitted that he believed the gun had a loaded magazine but did not think there was a live round in the chamber.

Witt called police immediately to report the shooting and said he thought someone in the neighboring apartment was struck by the bullet.

When police arrived, they were told a 23-year-old woman was showering in the next-door apartment when she was shot in the shoulder. There were five people in the woman’s apartment at the time, three of them were small children.

He did not think that there was a live round in the chamber, but he was too lazy to check.

Furrfu.

Politeness can be such a gas.

Angle for politeness at the old fishing hole.

Vidor Police Chief Rod Carroll said the 15-year-old was fishing when the shooting happened around 8:25 a.m. Saturday, Jan. 4.

(snip)

“So the 19-year-old gave the pistol to the 15-year-old, and then the 15-year-old gave it to the 10-year-old, and at that time the gun was, as we’re seeing right now, accidentally discharged, striking the 15-year-old,” Duncan said.

Selfie politeness is the politest kind.

Washington County’s (Oregon–ed.) first shooting call of 2020 came after a Bethany woman shot through her own phone and into her neighbor’s wall.

(snip)

Washington County Sheriff’s Deputies don’t know just what the woman was doing with the phone when she shot it but believe she was holding it in a selfie-like position based on the angle.

The hunt for politeness never ends.

A father and his 9-year-old daughter were shot and killed in a hunting accident in South Carolina on New Year’s Day, according to multiple reports.

(snip)

Officials said four hunters were trying to drive a deer when two were mistaken for deer and shot. They both died from their injuries.

How is this not negligent homicide?

Did you remember to usher in the New Year with politeness?

Politeness is again child’s play.

“This 13-year-old child found a firearm in his residence and had brought it to his friend’s house,” said Officer Jeanne Pierce with the Tulsa Police Department. “He and two friends were playing with the firearm.”

Police say the magazine was removed, but there was still a bullet in the chamber. The 13-year-old put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.