Beyond Beyond the Fringe category archive

It’s almost certainly coming soon to your area:

Lt. David White said the scheme involves a person claiming to be a Henry County (Va.–ed.) law enforcement officer, threatening that a person or their family member has missed jury duty. If they don’t pay up, the scam goes, they’ll be arrested.

White said the scammers have told people to meet them at Walgreens, CVS or Walmart locations to hand over money.

“We want to assure the public from all law enforcement agencies — local, state and federal — that we do not call and ask for money in lieu of being arrested,” White said.

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Cop it, the cheese!

A suspect dubbed the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” was arrested Thursday for allegedly committing indecent acts with dairy products in the Northeast Philadelphia area.

“indecent acts with dairy products.” The copy editor had fun krafting this one.

It’s a slice of reality.

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This is creepy in a whole new way.

Strange, but in a bizarre way. It does give credit where credit is due. Or not.

The Navy resorts to “roving patrols” to reduce sexual assaults.

The patrols, conducted each night by two-person teams, are one of numerous initiatives launched last year by the Navy to crack down on military sexual assault, following a Pentagon report last spring that estimated as many as 26,000 instances of unwanted sexual contact took place over the prior 12 months. The report, and a number of high-profile scandals, brought the issue to the fore and highlighted a culture throughout the branches that tolerated sexual assault and retaliation against service members who reported assaults.

Your tax dollars at work.

Words fail me.

I got checked out of the super market the other day by a Bieber belieber.

Couldn’t tell whether it was a boy or a girl (think it was girl). The nametag said “Justin Bieber [some last name],” and the hairstyle was Beiberous.

Santa (or someone) brought a new Nintendo DS, with extra features.

“He went to play his games, not knowing anything was on it,” Mayhew said. “After a while, [the kids] took pictures of themselves and when the picture was taken it went to a file.”

But when Mayhew’s son opened the file, there were already pictures in it. But not just any pictures — images an 8-year-old should never see.

(snip)

Mayhew said the Nintendo DS had at a dozen pornographic pictures. He now wants to know where they came from.

Somewhere, somebody is wondering where his (and you know it’s “his”–a woman wouldn’t be so stupid) pictures got to.

You can’t make this stuff up.

. . . there seems to be a war on Hanukkah decorations.

The theft of a 9-foot menorah that lit up Lynn University’s campus has its owner vowing to bring the light back.

What troubles me about this sort of stuff is the aimless malicious pettiness of it all.

But, again, mankind is an aimless malicious petty species.

Tampa’s John Romano suffers a Christmas loss:

He lived for this season. In may ways, it was his time to shine.

He would stand out in the yard with head held high, as if all those wreaths and lights were there simply to draw attention to him.

And then one night, without warning or mercy, he was gone.

Someone stole my %&#!@$ Rudolph.

This looks like a scene from a particularly inane TV detective show’s Christmas episode.

Warning: Language from the bystanders.

Via C&L.

Warning: Creepy.

True, and creepy.

Truth is oftentimes creepy. That’s why we look away.

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I wish I could sleep like this when I travel in a tube.

Tom Wagner woke up Friday night and the plane cabin was dark. And empty. Completely empty.

He looked around from his window seat near the back of the jet and wondered, “What is going on?”

(snip)

Apparently a very deep sleeper, he didn’t wake up when the plane landed. And somehow when airline employees were doing their usual sweep of the plane, they missed him. Dozens of passengers left the plane and so did the flight crew.

Airline employees found him about 30 minutes later.

See the last item in the column.

The country slopes to the southwest, and everything loose rolls to Cali.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Erik Prince surfaces from this hide-away in Dubai to argue that operating a mercenary army is an act of patriotism.

For my part, I think he just enjoys making things go ka-boom.

Santa? Really. It’s not even Veterans’ Day.

Barnum was wrong.

There’s more than one born every minute.

A widely-shared conspiracy theory on Facebook alleges that Obamacare requires the installation of microchips in every American by, well, last March.

Warning: Mild Language.