Gunnuttery category archive

May your firearm guide others to the stairway to heaven.

Politeness must be carefully taught.

Mary Knowlton, 73, a former librarian at Parkview Elementary School, was participating in a two-hour training course Aug. 9, 2016, in Punta Gorda, Fla. Her trainer, Coel, was demonstrating a shoot-don’t-shoot scenario and fired what he thought were blanks at Knowlton.

The gun was loaded. Knowlton was shot and pronounced dead that night at Lee Memorial Hospital in Fort Myers, Fla.

The trainer, police officers, have been charged.

Exercise politeness on the public thoroughfares.

Around 6 p.m. New Roads Police responded to the scene of a reported accidental shooting on Highway 10. According to the New Roads Police Chief, four teens were traveling in a vehicle on their way back from the Mardi Gras parades in New Roads.

Police say the four were playing with a gun when it accidentally discharged, shooting one of the four in the neck. The shooting suspect was also shot in the finger.

Get a leg up on politeness.

Witnesses say one of the victims accidentally discharged a gun, striking himself in the leg. A bullet fragment then hit the other victim in the ankle.

Friends are polite to each other.

He and three other teenage boys took a family member’s firearm, said Shari Ireton, a spokeswoman for the Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office.

(snip)

Deputies were told the 15-year-old was handling the gun when it accidentally fired. A 17-year-old was struck in the arm. His injuries weren’t life-threatening.

The 15-year-old boy panicked, Ireton said. He dropped the gun and ran.

And another gun that fires itself . . . .

Suffer the children.

Yet another sacrifice to the NRA’s portable penis.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

As ye proceed through thy day,
Scatter politeness along thy way.

Read more »

The hunt for politeness continues apace.

The victim, whose identity had not been released, and his father were hunting deer with two friends when one of the friends, a 41-year-old man from Forked River in Lacey Township, shot him, said Al Della Fave, spokesman for the Ocean County Prosecutor’s office.

When you go deer hunting, be sure to cover up your little furry white tail. After all, why else might your hunting companion mistake you for a deer?

And a polite society is a clean society.

“One subject reported that he was cleaning his firearm and it discharged, striking both himself and the male seated next to him,” Nashua police Sgt. Andrew Karlis said in a statement. “Both subjects are reported to be in stable condition.”

Whenever I cleaned my guns, I first made sure they were not loaded.

Why? Because I’m not stupid.

I am sometimes thoughtless, inconsiderate, selfish, preoccupied, self-centered, conceited (as I was informed in the sixth grade), full of myself, occasionally arrogant, and headstrong.

But not stupid.

It seems that NRA Paradise is peopled by the stupid.

Afterthought:

Why is it that, in police reports, men become “males” and women become “females”? (I know that men and women are “males” and “females,”–when I was a teenager, my parents gave me a book on The Facts of Life and Love for Teenagers* that informed me of that startling fact–but, really, now, synonyms and all that . . . .)

Inquiring minds want to know.

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Play politely.

A Mesa 15-year-old remains in extremely critical condition after he was accidentally shot in the chest by a friend. . . .
.

The victim’s brother told police that he witnessed the shooting, and saw 20-year-old Ulises Sanchez holding a gun when it went off, striking the victim in the chest. He reportedly told police that appeared to him that the shooting was accidental.

. . . and another gun that fires itself.

Walk politely.

According to authorities, when confronted with the concern that evidence did not match the man’s story, along with the need to call in additional resources for the safety of the public, the man admitted he had not been truthful.

Deputies learned the man lost control of his vehicle and it rolled. He began walking toward a friend’s house, but slipped on the icy road, fell and briefly lost consciousness after hitting his head. The man explained he was armed with a handgun which accidentally discharged during the fall, striking him in the arm.

Had he been packing, no doubt this would not have happene–oh, wait.

A polite society is a clean society.

Just before 10:30 p.m., police responded to a call in the 2300 block of Ocean Beach Highway. One man, identified as 88-year-old Zacharias Smart of Kelso, was cleaning a gun when it discharged and injured his hand. The bullet exited his hand and stuck the leg of his friend, 87-year-old Kelin Ray of Longview, according to Chris Blanchard, a public information officer with the Longview Police Department.

“Zacharias Smart” seems like a bit of a misnomer, does it not?

The stupid. It burns.

This time, it wasn’t the little furry white tail.

These fellows were duck hunting, so it must have been the feathers.

Politeness is a family value.

Authorities said Gina Williams was home early from an overnight shift at work and was trying to get in the front door. One of the children inside the home thought someone was trying to break in, and woke Billy Williams.

Billy Williams then got a gun from a safe, opened the front door and fired one shot, authorities said. The front porch light was not on.

No charges have been filed because hey! stuff happens.

“Shoot first,” the first rule in NRA Paradise.

There’s no politeness like unexpected politeness.

The victim said she was standing near the sliding glass door and all of a sudden the glass shattered.

She noticed her foot was bleeding and she thought it was cut from the glass.

(snip)

Sheriff’s officials determined the bullet came from a nearby gun range and was an accident.

Dollars to doughnuts, if this had happened with a bow and arrow, a spear, a catapult, or a Medieval mace, it would be considered negligence and charges would be in the offing, but the polite are inoculated from guilt because of the special Teflon of gunnuttery.

Practice makes polite.

An 11-year-old girl fired a borrowed gun at a Pennsylvania shooting range and the bullet ricocheted off the ground, striking her 12-year-old brother in the head and blinding him, state police said in court documents.

Just another day in NRA Paradise.

Politeness is a family affair.

Carthage Police Chief Greg Dagnan says the three children didn’t have school because of the bad weather. He says there weren’t any adults at the house, and one of the children was playing with a gun when it fired and hit the ten-year-old.

“Every interview we do, every piece of evidence we gather, really just seems to further indicate that this was an accident,” said Dagnan.

Politeness comes out of the closet.

The victim’s live-in boyfriend told officers he was hanging his coat up on a rack when the gun, a silver Cobra .22-caliber handgun, fell out of a pocket, struck the floor and discharged a round, according to the report.

The victim was standing about 5 feet away and the bullet grazed her head, according to police.

The stupid. It burns.