Too Stupid for Words category archive

Full-speed frolics.

Anything but your father’s music.

A 15-year-old in Rhineland-Palatinate scrawled a simple word across a piece of paper and placed it against the window of the cars’ rear passenger seat. ‘Help’ it read.

The teenager could no longer take the Schlager music his father was listening to on the radio and needed an out.

Luckily a concerned driver noticed the plea and called the police, as police reported on Wednesday.

The polizei were not amused.

It is wise to think before you twit.

Via C&L.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Via Bruce Schneier.

I must ask again whether there is a special intelligence test persons must fail in order to become school administrators.

Imagine that one day at work, your employer asked you to sign a form consenting to a drug or alcohol test. Now further imagine the form included a clause that said, “If I end up getting fired because company or its lab screws up my test, I promise not to sue.”

If you’re an employee of Montgomery County (Va.–ed.) Public Schools, no imagination is necessary. Because that’s precisely what the school system was asking its workers to do.

Thanks to the inquiries of the reporter, the form is being revised. Follow the link for more.

Is there some kind of special intelligence test you have to fail to become a school administrator?

The Mercer Island School District, sheepish at the controversy it set off, has again allowed the age-old kids’ game of tag on its school grounds.

Tag was banned on the island earlier this week, with district communications director Mary Grady telling Q13 news that “… students are expected to keep their hands to themselves. The rationale behind this is to ensure the physical and emotional safety of all students.”

Words fail me.

Yet more fail at the link.

. . . because Bossie just can’t get it right. (Link fixed.)

Though Milkwise does contain dairy, it’s called a “milk beverage” because it does not have the “standard of identity” that milk has. Each brand of milk beverage can have different nutrition facts, whereas milk, regardless of brand, will have the same nutirtional information, like eight grams of protein per cup, Stephanie Ferrari, MS, RD of New England Dairy & Food Council said.

Our appetite for fake food is dismaying.

More about dietary doublespeak at the link.

Felonious frolics.

The California Tea Party thinks that better “booth babes” will build the base. In so doing, they confirm that they are indeed just who we think they are.

Stalled twits.

A selfie of stupid: If you’re in a tie with a train, you lose.

Police are searching for an unidentified BART rider who reportedly took a picture of himself lying on the tracks, and in the process caused a 30-minute systemwide delay Monday night, police said.

When I worked for the railroad, I noted a fact: A train never strikes a “person.” A train always strikes a “trespasser.”

In my local rag, Bernadette Kinlaw tries to figure out the menu gibberish currently favored by restaurants. Consider this an appetizer:

But some places go too far in describing the cooking process. This isn’t just shrimp, it’s “large prawns from Palamos macerated in hollyberry brandy, quickly stiffened in the oven.”

I’m used to seeing homemade on a menu, but restaurant people must have heard too many times: “How can it be homemade? Is this your home?”

Replacing it in some places is “housemade.” I have yet to see “frozen and shipped in” or “straight from the bottle.”

You can’t make this stuff up.

Even as the Game Show Network shows painted naked bodies with a side of snickers and pretends it is somehow a “game show,” New York City goes all Miss Grundy about the same.

We are a society of stupid.