Too Stupid for Words category archive

You can’t make this stuff up.

An intoxicated Floridian who allegedly battered his pregnant girlfriend told police that he was being unfairly arrested since “Obama said cops always listen to women.”

Where the stupid meets the surreal:

A 19-year-old Florida woman was arrested last month for misdemeanor domestic violence after allegedly launching an unprovoked water pistol attack on her boyfriend, police report.

You can’t make this stuff up.

For once (and it’s a rarity), the resident curmudgeon at my local rag gets one right.

A new scheme appears to be moving in just as many folks prepare to move out.

“Consumers are being scammed $10, $15, maybe $30 for changing their address online,” says Paul Krenn, US Postal Inspector.

The Post Office offers the service for free in person or a dollar online.

Reform is clearly needed.

Fire officials blame a flaming beer-pong ball for starting a fire inside a college student’s apartment in Bloomsburg.

The Press Enterprise of Bloomsburg (http://bit.ly/17mkggs ) reports the student was using a lighter to pop a dent out of the ball Friday afternoon when he dropped it.

The Stupid is strong in this.

If they actually do tie up traffic on the beltway, how the heck will anyone tell the difference from a normal beltway day?

Video below the fold in case it autoplays.

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Art Museums need not apply. John Aravosis reports:

Facebook today banned mention of a new art exhibition at Paris’ famed Musée d’Orsay impressionism museum, claiming that the exhibit violates Facebook’s “community standards.”

Ruh roh.

The exhibit in question, called “Masculin,” is a look at the naked male form from 1800 to the present.

Details at the link.

A seven-year-old boy, suspended after taking a novelty pen onto a school bus, has filed a federal suit against school officials in Pennsylvania alleging the district’s weapons policy is unconstitutional.

Officials punished the boy with a four-day suspension and branded him a “weapons offender” for possessing the pen, which emitted a small shock when the cap was pressed.

But it’s okay for a gun nut to pack heat in a bar.

You couldn’t make this stuff up.

MSM twits.

Huntley, Brinkley, and Cronkite are spinning in their graves.

Well, maybe not. From Der Spiegel:

To sadomasochists keen on fresh air and the country life, it must have seemed like a dream come true. A 35-year-old woman advertizing herself as a dominatrix promised strict discipline to paying clients on her farm in the northeast of Austria.

(snip)

Instead of savoring the sweet pleasure of pain, the men found themselves consigned to farm labor such as chopping wood in the nude and mowing the lawn while wearing black fetish masks on the farm near the town of St Pölten. In effect, they were paying for the privilege of doing farm work.

You can’t make this stuff up.

But will anyone notice the new incarnation of this hollow, silly, exploitative spectacle which has always tried to pretend it’s about something other than staring at putting girls on display for money, burlesque without the moves*?

Karen Heller reminisces:

Years ago, I was sent to Atlantic City with this novel pitch: “Sooner or later you’re going to have to cover Miss America, so you might as well get it over with.” I went. I saw. I was conquered by the absurdity. I abandoned all neutrality, rooted for the aerodynamically confounding Miss Louisiana, Linnea Marie Fayard – who came in only fourth! – and had such a blast that I was sent back a second time.

Never cover Miss A a second time.

Little has changed since. The press is still asked to call the organization “a scholarship program,” not a pageant. The whatever-it-is must be promoted as “the world’s largest provider of scholarship assistance for young women,” yet most winners ultimately become anchorbots and infomercial chatterboxes. True, there are doctors, lawyers, and Vanessa Williams, the most talented Miss A ever, but the year’s first Miss A, Mallory Hytes Hagan of Brooklyn, 23, claims her ambition is to “obtain a degree in cosmetics and fragrance marketing.” How much scholarship assistance does she need for that?

Back when I was a young ‘un, news stories for the new Miss America in even the most proper paper carried the winner’s measurements. They no longer do so.

Now we wait for the sex tape.

___________________

*Afterthought: And without the honesty.

As opposed, I reckon, to an intentional misfire.

DeKalb County Police Chief Cedric Alexander said Wednesday the shooting was an “unintentional misfire.”

“It has been revealed to us that the subject shot by one our DeKalb police officers was not associated with the burglary on Streamside Court,” Alexander said. “He was truant from school and began running when he saw police officers in the area.”

Excerpt:

It is much easier to scare a population than to un-scare them.

Find the appropriate marks target audience.

Frat boys acting like frat boys.

Gasp.

Outsourced to Dick Polman.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Well, I guess they had to be good for something.

Grammatically incorrect tweets by Rihanna, Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga are being used as teaching materials to help Brazilian students learn correct English.

In a crafty attempt to help its students learn in a modern, engaging way, the Red Balloon English language school, which has branches in several Brazilian cities, has been getting its pupils to critique celebrities’ badly written tweets. The “Celeb Grammar Cops” are a team of children aged between eight and 13 who respond with the grammatically correct edits to celebrity solecisms.

High-speed twits.

An 18-year-old accused of killing a bicyclist with his car has had a vehicular manslaughter charge upgraded to murder in part because he boasted about speeding on Twitter, prosecutors said Thursday.