Too Stupid for Words category archive

It just takes the cupcake.

Via Thoreau.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Amanda Crelia was charged with grand larceny for allegedly swiping the figure, which was part of a nativity scene at the Central Park shopping center in Fredericksburg. Aided by Crelia, detectives recovered Baby Jesus from the home of her father.

(snip)

Cops say she posted a photo of the stolen statue to her Facebook page (which was spotted by a witness who contacted police).

Little Ricky Santorum takes it public.

Philly dot com tells the story of a condominium where exterior colored Christmas lights are banned. Only white lights are permitted and then only in certain locations (for example, in the shrubbery, not on the building itself).

Residents agreed to these restrictions when they bought their units.

All palaver about “rules are rules” aside, here’s the reason given for having and enforcing this one:

Former board president Kenneth Davis called the matter a “nonissue.”

“Whatever you want to do, do it inside,” Davis said, adding that the board was trying to preserve property values.

Questions of good taste aside, persons have the screwiest notions about what affects property values.

[Fade to dream sequence]

Real Estate Agent: “So, would you like to make an offer?”

Pigeon: “I don’t think so. They had ugly Christmas decorations last year.”

[Fade back in]

Rules are indeed rules.

Arbitrary and stupid are still arbitrary and stupid.

Full disclosure:

I live in a condo. They have rules about decorations.

They may be arbitrary about some things, but they are not stupid.

Entitled to a jury of your twits:

The Arkansas Supreme Court on Thursday tossed out a death row inmate’s murder conviction and said he deserves a new trial because one juror slept and another tweeted during court proceedings.

Sample texts of twits at the link.

A Michigan elementary school principal says students are back to singing “gay apparel” in a well-known Christmas carol after a music teacher had them sing “bright apparel” instead.

Cherry Knoll Elementary School Principal Chris Parker told television station WPBN on Monday that he was disappointed with the decision to make the change to “Deck the Halls” after children kept giggling.

One line in the popular version of the song is “Don we now our gay apparel,” referring to festive holiday clothing.

More distressing than students’ state of vocabulary-challenged-ness is that the writer of the news story felt it necessary to define “gay” for the readers of the news story.

This is enough to make your nose twitch:

The Des Moines Register reports that our own beloved three time failure Christine O’Donnell is so full of herself, and so freaking paranoid, that before she deigns to allow the common folk meet with her to discuss who the very important and significant Christine O’Donnell should endorse in the 2012 GOP Presidential Primary, they must sign a …. wait for it…. non-disclosure agreement.

There’s a reason one Delawarean I know refers to her as “Christine O’Dodo.”

El Reg reports:

An Irishwoman from the picturesque village of Effin is a bit put out that Facebook has unkindly dubbed her place of birth “offensive”.

Via Contradict Me.

My ex-local rag, the Wilmington News-Journal, makes having Facebook track your on-line behavior a feature not a bug of posting comments to newspaper stories.

We will be using Facebook comments on articles to create a more civil environment for conversation, and to give everyone an easier way to share with their friends.

The new system requires a Facebook account to participate in story comment threads.

Not that posting or reading comments at newspaper websites interests me. Something about that activity seems to attract the hate-full.

A woman shot pepper spray to keep shoppers from merchandise she wanted during a Black Friday sale, and 20 people suffered minor injuries, authorities said.

I understand that UC-Davis is recruiting her for the campus police force.

Honestly, wingers aren’t happy unless they are picking fights. If they can’t pick one, they just make one up.

If there is a war on Christmas, the primary combatants are the axis of advertisers, the multitudes of marketers, and the herds of hucksters equating Christmas with gadgets, geegaws, and gear.

When I was in high school, I went with other members of a club to a school-sanctioned convention which involved an overnight stay in the old Roanoke Hotel. Our old maid (sorry, that’s the only phrase that truly conveys what she was like) teacher/club sponsor/chaperon warned us that there should be no “promiscuous intermixing” (there wasn’t any, but we chuckled mightily over her phrasing for the duration of the stay).

Even she wouldn’t have pulled something like this:

A sheriff’s deputy was dispatched last week to a Florida elementary school after a girl kissed a boy during a physical education class.

School brass actually reported the impromptu buss as a possible sex crime, according to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office.

(snip)

The kiss apparently occurred after two girls debated over whom the boy liked more. That’s when one of the girls “went over and kissed” the boy. The redacted sheriff’s report notes that Haring “stated there were no new allegations of sexual abuse as far as she knew.”

And a spitball would likely be classified as assault.

Children cannot learn good judgment from adults who have none.

Aside:

At that conference, we somehow got into a discussion of guest behavior with one of the hotel managers, wondering if a hotel full of high school juniors and seniors was troublesome.

I recall his saying that we might be a little noisy, but otherwise no trouble at all. Then he said that the most troublesome conventions would surprise us: Teachers.

This was back when the state did not allow restaurants to sell liquor and the attendants at the state stores wore uniforms and kept their stock locked behind a counter. His theory was that teachers were under such scrutiny at home that, when they got a chance to cut loose, they damn well did.

Back to my teacher, I understand that my father dated her once or twice in high school. Narrow escape.

YR twits.

Officials have no idea when this happened, other than sometime this fall:

Thieves have taken a 3-foot-long copper sword atop Lincoln’s Tomb in what is believed to be the first theft at the site in more than a century.

My guess is that it was taken for its value as scrap. I know of a church that had its copper gutters stolen.

The trucked variety on trial.

Like Reality TV: silly, stupid, and tasteless.

There’s no friend like a Facebook friend.

Back on September 29th, a couple living on Robin Road in Wrightstown posted their vacation plans on Facebook.

“They put in there where they would be going on vacation and when they would be away and the friend just took advantage of it,” Newtown Police Department Lt. Glenn Forsyth said.

Knowing they were away, police say one of the couple’s Facebook friends, 36-year-old Steven Pieczynski of West Amwell, New Jersey, broke into the couple’s home and stole jewelry, gift cards, coins and DVDs.

A neighbor, a real human breathing person not in cyberspace, got suspicious and wrote down the mope’s license number.

Honestly, you can’t make this much stupid up.