Too Stupid for Words category archive

This is what happens when a religious belief is based on priggishly taking offense at everything possible. (Hint: Ignore the geek stuff. Look for the daemonic.)

Words fail me.

Homegrown twits.

. . . steal sober.

Police caught a thirsty thief after the man left a trail of beer cans from a burglarized liquor store to his walking-distance home.

Oh, my.

A Phoenix woman has been charged with fraud and theft after authorities say she told people she had cancer and needed treatment so she could get money from them to buy breast implants.

Police reports filed in Maricopa County Superior Court say 27-year-old Jamie Lynn Toler told her former boss she needed a double mastectomy and breast reconstruction and was uninsured. She also told the tale to her mother and grandparents.

Ask Amy for the details.

Heh.

Minnesota’s debt-plagued Republican Party faces an eviction hearing next week after failing to pay rent for its headquarters since August.

Via Hanlon.

Oh, my.

A Kentucky man is facing a misdemeanor rap after he siphoned gasoline from a police car, a theft that came to the attention of cops after the perp posted a Facebook photo memorializing the crime.

A couple of years ago, I was handing out literature for a city council candidate at a local trade show. One of the booths belonged to an organization dedicated to breast cancer research.

I chatted for a bit with the woman staffing it; I recall remarking that “when we are were young, you couldn’t even say ‘breast’ in polite conversation” unless you were talking about fried chicken, to which she agreed, we both being of an age. Heck, back in the olden days, when I was a young ‘un, “bosom” was borderline permissible and “ba-ZOOMS” was the height of risque humor, unless you were discussing a sewing pattern, yet the measurements of the new Miss America were published in the newspaper every year. I won’t mention the Sears catalog . . . .

I thought that silliness to be waning.

Then, again . . .

A federal appeals court is considering an eastern Pennsylvania school district’s efforts to ban on breast cancer fundraising bracelets that say “I (heart) boobies!”

The (Easton) Express-Times says the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals panel in Philadelphia heard opening statements Tuesday in the case, in which two Easton Area Middle School students say their freedom of speech rights were violated when they were suspended for wearing the bracelets in October 2010.

The district is appealing a federal judge’s ruling that the district cannot ban the rubber jewelry because it is not lewd, vulgar or distracting to the school day.

(snip)

“Everybody understands this is about breast cancer,” argued ACLU attorney Mary Catherine Roper. “There is nothing sexual about breast cancer.”

But district solicitor John Freund called the bracelets “cause-based marketing energized by sexual double-entendres.” A ruling in favor of them, he argued, could open the floodgates to similar marketing campaigns for testicular cancer and prostate cancer containing a vulgar reference to the male anatomy.

Although I do tend to share the disdain for “cause-based marketing,” in which marketing outshines the cause, as for the rest, well, pretending something ain’t there don’t make it go away, but it does display your creepy hang-ups to the rest of the world.

This seems rather silly:

A Catholic school student has been banned from graduation ceremonies in the Philippines because a photo on her Facebook page shows her wearing a bikini while holding a cigarette and a liquor bottle.

It’s a very American story. The parents have appealed to the courts . . . .

Be popular. Fool your “friends.”

A Chesapeake man has been ordered to serve nine years in prison for participating in a robbery scheme that used Facebook to lure the victim to a house in Suffolk.

Instead it’s gone to the national lookalike chains:

An “obnoxious” karaoke performer who decided to go topless for the late-night crowd at a Florida Applebee’s was arrested yesterday after he allegedly assaulted the restaurant’s manager.

Via Contradict Me.

Oh, goody.

Another public exercise in Hollywood’s pleasuring itself to pictures of itself.

I must avert my eyes.

I gather that there was another pointless, interminable, self-congratulatory awards ceremony last night.

More like “anger mismanagement”:

While meeting with an anger management counselor, a Kentucky woman was seen punching her 10-year-old son in the face, according to cops who later arrested her on an assault charge.

Talking about picking the wrong place to act out . . . .

You might see this on COPS or, more likely, World’s Dumbest: A thousand dollar fine for attracting attention.

The chase began in the pre-dawn hours Thursday when officers reported a man followed a patrol car for seven blocks before pulling his SUV around and taking off at speeds of up to 70 mph. Officers say Hughes was traveling faster than 100 mph on the interstate before officers laid out a spike strip to flatten his tires.

When asked why he started the chase, Hughes said, “I just always wanted to do that,” according to the police report.

Via Contradict Me.

The Pipe Dream tour.

Via Thoreau.