Too Stupid for Words category archive

Honest to God, if President Obama appeared at the wedding at Cana and transformed water into wine, some people would complain that he failed because the wine was muscatel, not scuppernong.

Dennis G. explains.

According to something I just saw on my telly vision, Charlie’s Angels the Remake, new with Hollywood’s idea of Diversity! is coming to my ignore list this fall.

If Hollywood wants to know why the world is losing interest, I have the answer in five words:

Remakes, CGI, Comic Book Heroes.

Afterthought:

Also, comic book hero remakes with extra CGI.

He called from jail to ask a Facebook friend to label another Facebook friend a snitch. It looks like his status report was a sentence too long . . . .

As a result of the 4:32 phone call, which was recorded by jailers, Quinney was named in an August 4 criminal complaint charging him with obstruction of justice for “retaliating against a witness, victim or informant.” He is also facing a separate state forgery count.

A technique for flirting that I have not seen recommended elsewhere:

Lovestruck weirdo Jason Dean, 24, allegedly handcuffed the 18-year-old woman Monday night in the parking lot of the fast food joint in Ringgold (Georgia–ed.), according to a police report. The teenager was freed after other Taco Bell workers convinced Dean, pictured in the mug shot at right, to release her.

Italian automaker Pagani was to begin selling its $1 million, 700 horsepower Huayra supercar in the U.S. later this year but federal safety regulators have said “Not so fast.“

Pagani had applied for an exemption from federal auto safety rules requiring child-safe “advanced“ airbags, arguing that complying with the rule would have caused “substantial economic hardship,“ according to documents from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

One would think that an extra hundred grand or so on the selling price really wouldn’t be noticed.

What a racket!

Let’s consider the price tag though. It turns out it may not be nearly as far out of line as we think, even if most regular people would never consider spending that much money on any regular party. Weddings, however, aren’t a regular party; they are a booming business in the US. According to TheKnot.com, a popular wedding site, the average American wedding costs about $24,000. A wedding in larger urban centres could easily cost closer to $50,000. Who says you can’t put a price on love, dreams and happiness? According to the website CostofWedding.com, the price per guest alone for a wedding in New York could easily be about $200 – if a couple is inviting 150 guests, they’re already looking at $30,000.

You can’t make this stuff up. (Warning: Brief, stupid, extremely boring momentary nudity.)

More proof that some men go into designing fashions because they hate women.

Via Dave Barry.

Words fail me.

Via Field.

Facebook would pretty much be the last internet place where someone should try to hide. After all, it defaults to naked social:

A fugitive fool who taunted cops on his Facebook page, “Catch me if you can, I’m in Brooklyn” – has been captured by U.S. marshals.

And guess where.

Victor Burgos was sitting at a computer with his Facebook page open . . . .

Via Dave Barry.

That’s orange as in jumpsuit, not orange as in pekoe.

A Tea Party (or Tea P-Arrrrrr!-ty) leader in South Carolina was arrested Tuesday for allegedly selling pirated versions of Microsoft software, Photoshop, and the Rosetta Stone language programs.

You can see them modeling their new jumpsuits at the link.

Why am I not surprised they would be agin’ guvmint regulations?

From Some Guy with a Website.

Twenty-two-year-old Aaron Pace was trying to donate blood and plasma at a local blood center in Gary, Indiana, when he was informed in an interview during the screening process that he was ineligible to give blood because he “appears to be a homosexual”.

He’s not.

The law on which this refusal was based dates back to the Reagan days, when AIDS was thought to be restricted to male homosexuals (and therefore was No Big Deal and the Wrath of God all in one) and no screening tests for HIV existed.

Via Bob Cesca’s Awesome Blog.

Mencken was right when he said, “No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.”

A surfeit of stupid, reported by John Kass in the Chicago Tribune. Here’s one example:

Unfortunately, it appears that the crazed-avenger scenario has already happened. An Oklahoma woman in a town called Chouteau is charged with ramming another woman’s vehicle because she thought the victim was (Casey) Anthony.

“I said, ‘Oh my God, help me,'” Sammay Blackwell, 26, told her local News on 6. “She hit me again, causing my vehicle to flip two-and-a-half times, landing on the driver’s side, and I just laid there playing dead.”

Charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon, the alleged Oklahoma nutball reportedly told police she’d been “trying to save the children.”

More stupid to come: As Steve Chapman points out in the same newspaper, bad cases make bad law:

Their proposals, all going by the name “Caylee’s Law,” are an understandable response to the acquittal of Casey Anthony of killing her 2-year-old daughter. Swearing when you stub your toe is also understandable, which doesn’t mean it will do your toe the slightest good.

(snip)

The point of these measures is retribution against a single villain who allegedly escaped the severe penalty she deserved. But a law specifically aimed at preventing a repeat of today’s notorious case will almost certainly be irrelevant to the shocking crime of tomorrow. In these instances, the unforeseen and surprising are the norm.

From the push for Caylee’s Law, you might assume the problem with American justice is that there are not enough criminal laws on the books. In fact, there are some 4,400 such statutes at the federal level alone, on top of thousands more enacted by the states.

And, as Chapman goes on to explain persuasively, the law of unintended consequences is likely to result in any “Caylee’s Law” ensnaring some innocent someone into an unwarranted felony conviction.

The problem with the Casey Anthony case is that the prosecution either did not have or botched the case (I’m suspecting the former–suspicions are not evidence).

And now the lynch mob is forming to string up someone–anyone–in retribution.

. . . don’t make lemonade in Midway, Georgia.

A. Barton Hinkle reviews the current standings in his TSA “Invasive Search Contest.” Here’s a nugget; follow the link for the full recap.

Also in April TSA officer Yolanda Smith, who works at Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans, was videotaped frisking 6-year-old Anna Drexel. And TSA officers including Joe Dunbar were videotaped last November conducting a partial strip-search of a 10-year-old boy at Salt Lake City International Airport. Situations like these are simply not acceptable, and I urge all of our members to contact their union reps to see if something can be done about this outrageous videotaping of TSA officers who are just doing their jobs.

Mr. Hinkle is looking forward to new invasions as a result of the current horsehockey over explosive implants.

Lord love a duck!

I knew that an MBA degree had been sullied, primarily by the actions of MBA degree holders, but this takes the cake.

USA Today reported that the University of Iowa is asking prospective students applying to their Tippie MBA program to submit their best tweet in place of a second essay. The winning tweet will receive more than $37,000 — a scholarship for a year’s tuition at the school.

The University of Iowa, Home of the Twits of Tomorrow.

Smoking too many tea bags destroys brain cells.

Absurd.

Relatives of a paralyzed war veteran said Monday the family plans to leave their suburban Augusta neighborhood after a home owners’ association objected to their new home plans because the house wasn’t large enough.

Their plans were for a 2,700 square-foot house.

I don’t think the big old Southern farm house at Pine View Farm has that many square feet; if it does, it’s just barely (see the banner–that’s it right there). I know that the largest house I have owned since growing up and leaving home was an 1800 square-foot three bedroom split, which was large enough to raise three children just fine with only occasional bloodletting.

Addendum, Later that Same Week:

Check out StevenD’s post on this. He goes in to much more detail and it’s even more infuriating than the short item I found in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution led me to believe.

(Link fixed.)

Where privacy is assured, except, of course, for the jokes.