Too Stupid for Words category archive

I do not believe that this will work out as expected.

Authorities say non-violent offenders in southern Alabama will have a new choice: Go to jail, or go to church every Sunday for a year.

(snip)

The city judge in Bay Minette will let misdemeanor offenders choose to work off their sentences in jail and pay a fine; or go to church every Sunday for a year.

If offenders select church, they’ll be allowed to pick the place of worship but must check in weekly with the pastor and police.

I wonder whether they will also be required to put something in the offertory.

I just received a letter from a car dealer thanking me for all the time I’ve spent with them “discussing my transportation needs.” You can see it here (JPG)

I have never set foot in the establishment; indeed, I have only a vague notion of where it is, though I have no doubt driven by it many times.

I certainly would not do so now.

It has demonstrated that it is as honest as, well, a car dealer.

The local rag is all over surprised upon discovering that pro football players make money from personal appearances:

City social workers wanted to inspire local youths this summer by bringing a celebrated NFL player to town, a Super Bowl champion who came from a background similar to many of the at-risk children he would try to reach.

The gesture cost taxpayers $40,000.

The management team for Anthony Hargrove, formerly of the New Orleans Saints, charged $30,000 for three two-hour sessions over his nearly weeklong stay, which included other appearances with local children. Other costs associated with the visit – meals, a banquet with community leaders and hotel rooms for Hargrove and five others – totaled about $10,000.

My two or three regular readers know that my level of cynicism as regards pro and semi-pro college football is about to burst out of the top of my thermometer like the mercury measuring a fever in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, but, as my mother would have said, honestly!

As the actress said to the bishop, “Professional means you get paid for it.”

In other news in today’s local rag, sky blue and apple red.

Afterthought:

Whether or not it was a wise expenditure is a different issue, but was not really addressed in the gee-whiz-look-over-there story. If it keeps one kid out of jail, the visit likely paid for itself.

The family that put the fun in dysfunctional, all out there on Facebook so we can watch.

Favorite color: Orange.

What started as feud over a Facebook post turned physical in Cobb County (Georgia–ed.) and ended in a woman’s arrest.

Rage from the machine:

A Washington lawyer is accused of throwing a live power line at another motorist during a road-rage incident in the wake of Hurricane Irene.

Christine O’Donnell proclaims, I am not a twitch.

The amount of dumb-stupid it takes not to be able to understand Bill Nye is mind-numbing.

It’s not a reflection on the host. He’s doing his job, following the Fox party line, and dumb-stupid is the only weapon they have.

Via C&L.

See the second item.

One more time, the internet is a public place.

Duh.

Facebook is ending its Deals program, which offered the site’s 750 million users discounts similar to those offered by daily deals site Groupon.

Facebook said in a statement Friday it decided to end Deals after four months of testing. The service will wind down in coming weeks. It was available only in Atlanta, Austin, Dallas, San Diego and San Francisco.

Frankly, I doubt that Groupon itself has any staying power. When using coupons hits reality show status, the end cannot be far behind.

Think Flip This House and real estate.

You really must read the whole thing to contemplate the depths of inanity it portrays:

Raised in a $1.5 million Barrington Hills, Ill., home by their attorney father, two grown children have spent the past two years pursuing a lawsuit against their mom for “bad mothering” that alleges damage caused when she failed to buy toys for one and sent another a birthday card he didn’t like.

The alleged offenses include failing to take her daughter to a car show, telling her then- 7-year-old son to buckle his seat belt or she would contact police, “haggling” over the amount to spend on party dresses and calling her daughter at midnight to ask that she return home from celebrating homecoming.

Honest to God, if President Obama appeared at the wedding at Cana and transformed water into wine, some people would complain that he failed because the wine was muscatel, not scuppernong.

Dennis G. explains.

According to something I just saw on my telly vision, Charlie’s Angels the Remake, new with Hollywood’s idea of Diversity! is coming to my ignore list this fall.

If Hollywood wants to know why the world is losing interest, I have the answer in five words:

Remakes, CGI, Comic Book Heroes.

Afterthought:

Also, comic book hero remakes with extra CGI.

He called from jail to ask a Facebook friend to label another Facebook friend a snitch. It looks like his status report was a sentence too long . . . .

As a result of the 4:32 phone call, which was recorded by jailers, Quinney was named in an August 4 criminal complaint charging him with obstruction of justice for “retaliating against a witness, victim or informant.” He is also facing a separate state forgery count.

A technique for flirting that I have not seen recommended elsewhere:

Lovestruck weirdo Jason Dean, 24, allegedly handcuffed the 18-year-old woman Monday night in the parking lot of the fast food joint in Ringgold (Georgia–ed.), according to a police report. The teenager was freed after other Taco Bell workers convinced Dean, pictured in the mug shot at right, to release her.

Italian automaker Pagani was to begin selling its $1 million, 700 horsepower Huayra supercar in the U.S. later this year but federal safety regulators have said “Not so fast.“

Pagani had applied for an exemption from federal auto safety rules requiring child-safe “advanced“ airbags, arguing that complying with the rule would have caused “substantial economic hardship,“ according to documents from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

One would think that an extra hundred grand or so on the selling price really wouldn’t be noticed.

What a racket!

Let’s consider the price tag though. It turns out it may not be nearly as far out of line as we think, even if most regular people would never consider spending that much money on any regular party. Weddings, however, aren’t a regular party; they are a booming business in the US. According to TheKnot.com, a popular wedding site, the average American wedding costs about $24,000. A wedding in larger urban centres could easily cost closer to $50,000. Who says you can’t put a price on love, dreams and happiness? According to the website CostofWedding.com, the price per guest alone for a wedding in New York could easily be about $200 – if a couple is inviting 150 guests, they’re already looking at $30,000.

You can’t make this stuff up. (Warning: Brief, stupid, extremely boring momentary nudity.)

More proof that some men go into designing fashions because they hate women.

Via Dave Barry.

Words fail me.

Via Field.