Give Me a Break category archive

Good grief!

A man who was fired by IBM for visiting an adult chat room at work is suing the company for $5 million, claiming he is an Internet addict who deserves treatment and sympathy rather than dismissal.

James Pacenza, 58, of Montgomery, says he visits chat rooms to treat traumatic stress incurred in 1969 when he saw his best friend killed during an Army patrol in Vietnam.

It’s not that I don’t believe that addiction is a real thing. Heck, I smoke. I know addiction is real. But a significant element of addiction is the existance of physical withdrawal symptoms.

I fail to see how someone could suffer significant physical withdrawal symptoms from simply confining the surfing of adult websites to non-work hours.

And I’m pretty sick and tired, as my mother would have said, of every habitual bad behavior being labelled as an “addiction.”

During the time my marriage was crashing on the rocks, I spent some time in online support groups for persons having the sort of marital difficulties I was having (and, surprisingly enough, I got good support and made some good friends). There was a regular parade of spouses, usually wives, saying that their others suffered from “sexual addiction.”

Horse-hockey. There may be some kind of disorder there (probably narcissitic personality disorder), but let’s not blame it on sex or on addiction.

There’s a big difference between “I can’t stop” and “I don’t want to stop.”

But it’s a growth market for therapists, so no doubt we shall see more “addictions” on the list.

No Paris Hilton blow-up in your future:

An outraged Hilton said: “I turn down perverted things, some sex things. Like a Paris Hilton blow-up doll … They were like, ‘They’ll sell for $50,000 each, it’ll be the real-life you.’ And I’m like, ‘I really don’t want a real-life me with anyone, anywhere. No!'”

Uh, yeah.

Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to avoid the obvious pun?

Give me a break subcategory:

From suburban lawns to postage-stamp city decks, it’s a bigger-than-ever Invasion of the Inflatables this holiday season.

Billowy Christmas penguins, taller than NBA star Yao Ming, have put down stakes alongside red-capped SpongeBobs saluting mammoth Grinches and nutcrackers that loom like pine trees.

Nationally, sales of the novelties, which cost between $20 and $200, are expected to top $500 million this year, up from $100 million in 2003, said Pam Danziger, whose company, Unity Marketing in Lancaster County, tracks consumer spending.

Inflatables are the country’s fastest-growing category of outdoor Christmas decorations, said Danziger, who conceded their charms.

Charms? Charms? Charms?

Oh, brother.

Apparently, the self-appointed guardians of God on this earth have it in for Phillybits.

On the rare night I watch a little television, other than Law and Order reruns, I saw three ads for this.

Cellflirt

Jeez oh man, there must be one born every minute.

Oh, man.

A suburban county that sparked a public outcry when its libraries temporarily eliminated funding for Spanish-language fiction is now being asked to ban Harry Potter books from its schools.

Laura Mallory, a mother of four, told a hearing officer for the Gwinnett County Board of Education on Tuesday that the popular fiction books are an “evil” attempt to indoctrinate children in the Wicca religion.

And the Tarzan stories were designed to get persons to live in the jungle with animals.

Sheesh.

From today’s Local Rag:

At stores across the region yesterday, parents were dismayed to find shelves bare of T.M.X. Elmo, the 10th anniversary incarnation of the furry, red doll unveiled by Fisher-Price just 24 hours before.

Going online, shoppers soon learned that the shortage was made even worse by a raid on retail outlets by speculators who had listed an army of Elmos on eBay.

More than 20,000 T.M.X. Elmos – the initials stand for Tickle Me “Extreme” – were for sale on the Internet auction site at 5:35 p.m. yesterday, according to eBay Marketplace Research, which monitors listing, bidding and pricing on the site. And more than 7,000 Elmos had already been sold, at prices up to $355.

(snip)

“I’ll probably buy one on the Net,” Garrison said, though the major retailers weren’t offering much hope there, either. “I don’t even know what it does. I just know the first Tickle Me Elmo was a big success.”

Who the heck are the parents here?

Of course, I’m the guy who, back in the Power Rangers days, showed up early at the last remaining store in Upper Delaware with Power Rangers costumes to get one for Second Son.

It was the Red Ranger, if I recall correctly. And that Hallowe’en, we had more Power Rangers on our street than Ney has bribes.

But, dammit, I paid list price and not a penny more.

(Expletive Deleted) We need better parents, not better shopping carts.

Sheesh!

With more than 24,000 U.S. children treated for shopping cart-related injuries last year, the American Academy of Pediatrics says better designs and stricter government regulation are needed.

You dance at the party, you pay the piper.

NEW YORK (Billboard) – A Louisiana man has filed a class action lawsuit against Apple Computer for allegedly putting consumers at risk of suffering noise-induced hearing loss.

The complaint, filed January 31 in the U.S. District Court in San Jose, Calif. by John Kiel Patterson, alleges that iPods fail to contain adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss. Patterson claims that the iPods and the accompanying “ear bud” earphones are defectively designed.

So there should be a product insert saying, “If you’re too stupid to turn the damn thing down, it may affect your hearing”?

Sheesh.

Give me a break.

A self-described clairvoyant named Nancy Ann Tappe is credited with first sighting and identifying Indigos.

In her 1982 book, Understanding Your Life Through Color, (Starling Publishers) Tappe claimed she could see the colored energy fields that, she said, surround every individual – and said she was starting to see children with a new, deep-blue, aura.

She outlined four types of Indigos – humanist, conceptual, artist and interdimensional – who will become tomorrow’s doctors, engineers, artists and religious leaders.

But Tappe, along with retired psychotherapist Doreen Virtue, says many Indigos also exhibit other, more troublesome traits: impatience, a sense of entitlement that borders on boorishness, and uncontrollable rage.

Read the article.

If you buy this, I have a bridge for you to buy. Use the email link at the top of the page. Cash only.