Gunnuttery category archive

Nap politely.

Patrick Sanders, 20, was sleeping on the couch when the gun slipped out of his pants on to the floor in the incident that took place on Saturday in a Houston apartment.

The child then handled the gun and Sanders tried to grab it from the toddler, police said.

“At that time, the gun went off and Sanders was shot in the face. The child was not injured,” Houston Police said in a statement.

Via Juanita Jean.

Hunters seem to have found their red October.

A 12 year old girl was shot around 7 o’clock Monday morning on Van Scoyoc Hollow Road in Snyder Township, Blair County. State Police and the Pennsylvania Game Commission are investigating this shooting as a possible hunting accident. No details are being released on the condition of the girl at this time.

And, in more news of the polite . . . .

Addendum:

She did it to herself:

Police aren’t releasing the name of the girl who authorities first believed had been shot outside her home Monday as she left for school about 7 a.m. That prompted the Pennsylvania Game Commission to investigate whether the girl might have been wounded by a hunter’s stray bullet.

But police now say the girl had grabbed the rifle and was returning it to a safe when it fell and discharged in her Snyder Township home.

Drive politely.

Police in Oakland say a 30-year-old woman was shot to death during a possible road-rage confrontation.

Officer Johnna Watson says Perla Avina was riding in a Toyota Camry Sunday afternoon in the city’s Brookfield Village neighborhood when someone in another car shot her in the face.

If every driver were armed, no doubt events of this nature would not occur.

Also, pigs, wings.

If you must unload on those around you, do so politely.

A 56-year-old man is in serious condition after accidentally being shot in the abdomen Sunday morning while hunting with three or four others in the Brown’s Gulch Road area north of Butte, authorities said.

Sheriff Ed Lester said another person was unloading a hunting rifle when it accidentally discharged and hit the man in the abdomen. Police were called at 10:29 a.m.

Am I the only person who’s ever heard of something called “a safety,” not to mention something called just plain “safety“?

Teach the young to be polite.

A student opened fire in the cafeteria of Marysville Pilchuck High School late Friday morning, killing another student and wounding four others before killing himself.

Addendum, a Little Bit Later:

In more news of the polite . . .

A clean society is a polite society:

Atlantic Medivac and local authorities were sent to 803 Cedar Street shortly before 7:30 p.m. Upon arrival, authorities discovered 26-year-old Jarred Johnson of Kimballton with a gunshot wound in the lower left leg. An investigation determined Johnson was cleaning his weapon when it accidentally discharged.

Politeness is next to cleanliness.

Witnesses state that Hambaugh was sitting in the kitchen, preparing to clean his handgun.

When Hambaugh attempted to disassemble the gun a round had inadvertently been left in the handgun.

As he attempted to remove the slide, the bullet discharged.

It struck the inside of Hambaugh’s left thigh, traveled through the thigh, and after exiting struck the (nine-month-old–ed.) child in the head.

Note how “he had negligently left a round” morphs into “a round had inadvertently been left,” as gun nuts are never responsible for what they do because they have Second Amendment rights–just ask them.

If you read such reports regularly, you will see this pattern: Gun nuts who negligently inadvertently injure or kill others always do so in the passive voice.

The stupid, it burns.

The ammosexuals were out in force at our recent City Council Meeting (link complete with picture of one wannabe Wyatt’s personal Real-Big-Man enhancement device).

Be polite in school.

A 13-year-old student accidentally shot himself in the leg with a gun he brought to school in his backpack, according to police.

More guns will no doubt prevent incidents like this in the future.

Play your beer pong avec politesse.

According to the Liberty County Sherriff’s Office, investigators are searching for two men who allegedly shot up the party after losing at the beer pong table. Deputies identified the suspects as Decoris “Red” Rucker, 24, and Chris “Crazy Chris” Hackett.

I don’t know the rules of beer pong (I assume there are “rules”). And I don’t want to. It appears to be too stupid for words.

Be polite to the competition.

State police said Tyler Glenn Peters, of Kittanning, was wounded in the left upper thigh when another shooter’s rifle accidentally discharged while the shooters were putting away their rifles after the competition. The incident occurred around 9 p.m. at the gun club in Boggs, Armstrong County.

Forget background checks. We need IQ tests for gun buyers.

Colorado is being overrun by hunters for elk season.

“Wear extra orange,” big game hunting guide Jim Arnold said as he led a group of hunters into the woods of Summit County last week. “That’s what I tell my guys.”

I wonder how many of these folks will fill their freezers with elk meat and how many want to bag an elk just to prove that they are Real Big Men.

. . . and a polite society does its laundry.

The woman, said to be in her 60s, picked up her husband’s pants and shook them at about 1:15 p.m., Sgt. Felipe Alicia said.

“He carries a firearm in his pants pocket and it fell out and went off,” Alicia said. “ … There are no signs of foul play or any signs of violence and we are classifying this as an accidental injury.”

Afterthought:

Gunnuttery, n, from “gun”+”nut” (meaning someone with diminished mental capacity or ammosexual fetish) + the suffix “(t)ery” indicating “syndrome”: what happens when firearms meet stupid.

This man’s gunnuttery almost killed his wife. “Almost” is a better outcome than gunnuttery usually produces.

Play with your toys, politely.

Habersham County authorities said a 25-year-old man died Thursday after he accidentally shot himself Wednesday night as he was playing with a .38 revolver.

Authorities say he didn’t know the gun was loaded. No word on whether he was.

And, in more news of the heeled . . . .

Be polite at the drive-through:

“He was in a car there in the drive-thru, and he was moving the pistol from the side door pocket to the glove box, and it went off and accidently shot him in the thigh,” said Capt. Tommy Lovett with the Alexander City Police Department.

Also, another gun that magically fires itself.

Via Southern Beale.

The hunt for politeness.

He is accused of firing a shot from a 12-gauge shotgun toward ducks while hunting on the west side of the Schroon River, across the river from Adirondack Adventure Resorts campground. He was off duty at the time.

A man who was outside a camper called police after he heard a shot fired, and was hit in the leg with a small projectile. Police believe the projectile was a pellet from duck shot, fired from about 400 feet away. It did not penetrate his skin or go through his pants, officials said. He suffered a bruise that did not require medical treatment.

He said he saw the campground, but he told hisself it was closed so he go shoot.

More polite parenting.

The warrants state that Anderson left a loaded .25-caliber semi-automatic pistol unsecured in a tackle box in the sunroom of the suspect’s home on Northview Court.

Anderson’s 3-year-old son was playing in the sunroom when he found the gun, then accidentally shot himself, police said.