Too Stupid for Words category archive

Over there.

In the zoning zone:

“I think this is going to boil down to what a naked buttock is,” said (Camden, NJ–ed.) city attorney John Kearney. “If a girl is wearing a thong, is it a naked buttock?

Just think how hunky-dory everything would be now if Bush had just gotten this through the first time.

Back in the olden days, when I was a young ‘un, there was a joke that went something like this:

Q. Should women have clubs?

A. Soitenly. Clubs, rolling pins, baseball bats, whatever they want. (Rim shot)

One would hesitate to tell that joke today, not for any reason of “political correctness,” but simply because it’s no longer funny. It is meaningless in the context of most of contemporary society.

Unless, of course, you are a Republican.

Sending 12-year olds to the Big House for acting like 12-year olds.

Read more »

Or maybe I should get uninsured microbes protection. Shadow boxing reality in Virginia:

The Virginia Senate took a stand against a key provision of a proposed federal health care overhaul Monday, passing legislation declaring that Virginia residents cannot be forced to buy health insurance.

The legislation targets the so-called “individual mandate” provision that could be part of a federal health care reform package being negotiated by congressional leaders. The Senate passed three identical bills by votes of 23-17, with five Democrats joining the chamber’s 18 Republicans in support of the measures.

(Not that I’m a fan of the individual mandate. It’s not single payer.)

“Hi. I’m Jane from Verizon.”

RoboJane has found my new phone number.

The Do Not Call list doesn’t work, because I have a “business relationship” with Verizon (it’s called a “telephone line”).

So I will be subjected to Verizon’s marvelous marketing campaign, which appears to be based on tormenting subscribers with phonecalls from RoboJane until they sign up for Verizon FiOS just to make her go away.

News for Verizon: Every phone call from RoboJane strengthens my resolve never to sign up for Verizon FiOS. Or Verizon TV. Or anything else from Verizon except for a landline for the 911 call I hope never to have to make.

This was just asking for trouble.

Addendum, January 29:

The rest of the story: The teacher agrees it was stupid. Apparently, he had not seen the film in some years.

In Berlin, Md.,

The ordinance would permit residents to keep up to six female chickens as long as they are kept in a pen, with shelter, no less than 25 feet from any town residence. The pens for the chickens — which must be registered with the Maryland Department of Agriculture — must be kept free of odors and materials that might attract rodents.

(snip)

The decision to allow pet poultry within town limits comes after the Board of Zoning Appeals ruled in October that an Ann Drive woman could not keep her two chickens and three ducks. The board upheld the decision of town staff, who believed she was in violation of town codes that prohibited “the business of keeping poultry” in a residential district.

No roosters?

Aside: This is in chicken country, where the “business of keeping pountry” is big business involving thousands of chickens and lots of their–er–by-products.

It’s not just for momentous Constitutional questions.

It’s also for the silly and vindictive–silly except for wanting to put some teenage girls away for being stupid teenage girls.

Jeez oh man, I thought the hair wars were so over 40 years ago.

Then, again, it’s Texas.

This does not involve a big commercial airport like JFK or PHL. It’s a little general aviation field. Heck, according to the website, the refueling gas pumps are self-service.

I have been unable to find a link telling me when the airport was founded, though it seems to have been there more than five years.

It is difficult to sympathize with the home owners.

George and Margaret Osipovs sued the Chesapeake Airport Authority in 2004, saying the airport’s noise and traffic decreased the value of their home.

Chesapeake hired a platoon of private lawyers to convince a judge that there had been no legal damage. The city lost, appealed all the way to the state Supreme Court, and lost again.

Become like Senator John Ensign.

Or Senator Larry Craig.

Or Governor Mark Sanford.

Or–oh, never mind.

Apparently MoDo isn’t happy unless all about her are losing their heads, my son.

There was a big fight, in the middle of the day in the middle of a neighborhood street and in front of at least two dozen witnesses. By the time police got there, though, nobody would tell them what had happened.

There was a time when that alone could have ended the police investigation. Not now.

Officers learned that a video of the incident had been posted on YouTube.

You can guess the rest of the story.

Theft bestows ownership rights as long as Yale wasn’t there when it happened.

When ancient Grecian antiquities looted hundreds of years ago are being returned to their country of origin, this really seems to translate into “I know I am, but what are you?”

Come to think of it, I don’t think Mr. Timmons actually told us that this was a no-no. But he did sort of imply that running into cop cars was not a good way to pass your driving test:

A 22-year-old Bear woman was charged with drunken driving early Monday after she rammed a police car in Wilmington.

Aside: You knew you were in with Mr. Timmons when he let you drive his Karman-Ghia instead of the school district’s 1956 Chevrolet with three on the tree–which was old even then–to rack up driving time for the course.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s worth springing for the January/February Playboy to read the full story.

Six years later, Playboy magazine has revealed that the CIA fell victim to an elaborate con by a compulsive gambler who claimed to have developed software that discovered al-Jazeera broadcasts were being used to transmit messages to terrorists buried deep in America.

Dennis Montgomery, 56, the co-owner of a software gaming company in Nevada, who has since been arrested for bouncing $1m worth of cheques, claims his program read messages hidden in barcodes listing international flights to the US, their positions and airports to be targeted.

Next time you see some spy story depicting the CIA as technologically sophisticated, do yourself a favor. Turn off the TV and go read something believable, like the story of Rapunzel.

Fiscal Republicanity (hey! that rhymes with Hannity!):

’nuff said:

Hey East Coasters! Any teabaggers out in the streets to stop the Socialist snow removal trucks?

Meanwhile, snow storms have a way of highlighting stupid.

Twitter via the News-Journal. Dither via Eschaton.