Words Fail Me category archive

A massive spill at a Chivas plant has sent the smell of spirits flowing through a Scottish sewer and sorrow coursing through the hearts of Scotch whisky fans.

I weep.

Romance is zucked.

Bang With Friends is a controversial app that, as the name implies, is supposed to be no-nonsense way to learn which of your friends is interested in having sex. The app’s logo and introductory screen shot leave no doubt about its intent.

Since launching on Jan. 23, the app has “already hooked up over 100,000 couples,” according to an e-mail from the three California college students who created the app.

Tumblr is a very strange internet place.

And it was on the ground floor.

And wanton, casual cruelty.

(Clemson student Nathan–ed.) Weaver put a realistic rubber turtle in the middle of a lane on a busy road near campus. Then he got out of the way and watched over the next hour as seven drivers swerved and deliberately ran over the animal. Several more apparently tried to hit it but missed.

(snip)

Sometimes humans feel a need to prove they are the dominant species on this planet by taking a 2-ton metal vehicle and squishing a defenseless creature under the tires, said Hal Herzog, a Western Carolina University psychology professor.

“They aren’t thinking, really. It is not something people think about. It just seems fun at the time,” Herzog said. “It is the dark side of human nature.”

Not nice people

Too stupid for words.

Tourists flocking to Guatemala for “end of the world” parties have damaged an ancient stone temple at Tikal, the largest archeological site and urban center of the Mayan civilization.

“Sadly, many tourists climbed Temple II and caused damage,” said Osvaldo Gomez, a technical adviser at the site, which is located some 550 kilometers (340 miles) north of Guatemala City.

I somehow think that Justin Timberlake was not in mind when this law was passed.

In a unanimous decision Thursday, the (Florida State Supreme–ed.) court struck down a state law regulating noise from car stereos in a case spearheaded by a St. Petersburg lawyer who received a citation in 2007 for blaring a Justin Timberlake song in his car.

The lawyer, Richard Catalano, 51, challenged the citation and courts repeatedly sided with him. But the state kept appealing.

The final declaration came Thursday, with the high court ruling that the statute is unconstitutional because it prohibits certain forms of speech while permitting others.

Boogieing down with Justin Timberlake.

Oh, my.

Beyond creepy.

The day after authorities charged a South Jersey Catholic school’s custodian with being a high-tech Peeping Tom, parents expressed anger as they began to find out their children were among those secretly videotaped in private areas of the school.

He installed secret cameras in what were supposed to be secret places.

This dude put a lot of effort into being a perv.

Stuff one, stuffing zero.

WAVY.com spoke with a family who even took shifts eating dinner so their spots would not be lost in line.

“I fixed the turkey earlier, and then after me and my daughter ate, then I came to pick up my son so he could eat with his dad, and then we came and sat in the line,” said Amy Gagliardi, who waited in line at Best Buy in Chesapeake.

Meet me where the River of Stupid flows into the Bay of Hysterical Reaction . . . .

It’s lights out for these folks, according to the San Jose Mercury-News’s Mr. Roadshow:

A survey by Response Insurance, a national car insurer, found that 42 percent of drivers who don’t signal say they don’t have enough time, 23 percent admit they are just plain lazy, 17 percent don’t signal because when they do, they forget to turn it off, 12 percent say they are changing lanes too frequently to bother, 11 percent say it is not important, 8 percent say they don’t signal because others don’t, and, get this, 7 percent say forgoing the signal “adds excitement to driving.”

Staten Island, New York.

The Transportation Security Administration has been quietly removing its X-ray body scanners from major airports over the last few weeks and replacing them with machines that radiation experts believe are safer.

The TSA says it made the decision not because of safety concerns but to speed up checkpoints at busier airports. It means, though, that far fewer passengers will be exposed to radiation because the X-ray scanners are being moved to smaller airports.

Wonder whether Michael Chertoff will have to return his lobbying fees.

There is no truth to the rumor that the Wedding Industrial Complex has gotten completely out of hand. None whatsoever.

Farnsworth bemoans his public school education in history, you know, the one based on stuff what actually happened.

Oh, my.

My way.

A (Portland, Oregon–ed.) woman who tried to help her friend save the life of a choking cat also contracted the plague from the disease-stricken feline over the summer, health officials said Friday.

She recovered.

Just take a look at this.

Reminds me of a book of optical illusions I had when I was a kid. Jeez oh man.

Authorities say a “compromising” picture of a woman, posted to Facebook, was the catalyst for a hoax that forced an airliner from Philadelphia to turn around in mid-flight.

He called the airport alleging that the person who supplanted him in his ex-girlfriend’s affections was packing explosives.

Said rival completed his trip and promptly got pinched over some outstanding warrants.

Toys for the New Gilded Age.