Too Stupid for Words category archive

You can’t make this stuff up.

Yeah, it may be old news, but it’s still timely.

“Countless” twits. (Do the math.)

Noz explains.

The stupid, it burns!

Dick Polman catalogs the twitnoxiousness.

No mama’s boy he:

A 19-year-old Florida man who twice called 911 because he “didn’t like how his mom was talking to him” was arrested early yesterday for misuse of the police emergency system.

Yesterday, as I drew up to a red light (Ferry Plantation and Haygood, if you must know), I noticed that the gentleman in the car in the left lane, also still moving, was looking down at his cell phone, which he was holding in both hands.

He somehow managed to stay in his lane and come to a stop.

It was creepy, but it was nothing like this.

I give you the evidence.

Is there too little mold in your life?

Fight back now!

H/T Susan for catching this.

Kids do stupid stuff.

I certainly did. To outward appearances, I was a well-behaved kid, but I was quite the surreptitious smartass.

I think that stealing a stop sign and dumping it in a deputy sheriff’s front yard for all to see would fall into the category of “stupid stuff,” even if the deputy was more qualified to be a bozo than a deputy and the disrespect was well-deserved.

But I did it under cover of darkness, stealthily, late at night, anonymously.

(Embarrassed, he remounted the sign to the post with roofing nails–roofing nails, for Pete’s sake. The intersection was not 15 yards from his house. The next night, we re-stole it and re-dumped it in his front yard.)

I must say, though, I never did stupid sexual stuff. Oh, I wanted to,* but I was not part of that crowd.

Now kids do stupid sexual stuff on the internet, where you can’t hide and it doesn’t go away.

Remember, the internet is a public place.

I can find you.

Anyone can find you.

_______________

*That’s the dirty little grown-up secret that grown-ups don’t want their kids to know.

They wanted to.

That’s why they know what their kids want and don’t want them to.

Instead of a status update, a poke(y).

Walmart cashier Beshaw Ogbanna thought he had outsmarted his bosses at the Haynes Bridge Road store in Alpharetta, employing an unsophisticated sleight of hand to pocket $20 bills from his register, according to police.

But investigators say he got greedy, stealing $3,100 over a span of five days. Then, police allege, Ogbanna got cute, posting photos of himself on Facebook holding up the money and writing how he loved his job.

Never a good idea.

Two teenage girls accused of sending threatening tweets about the 16-year-old victim in the Steubenville rape case were released on house arrest today and ordered not to use social media.

The girls, both 16, had been confined to juvenile detention since one turned herself in and the other was arrested March 18.

Girls defending rapists.

No self-awareness. None whatsoever.

Read more »

As a Southerner, I sometimes resent the portrayal of Southerners as hicks and boobs. From the days of old-time radio up through the Beverly Hillsillies on to Honey-Boo-Boo, it’s a steady current in the media.

But, really, with this sort of stuff, you can understand why:

Stay classy, Republican twits.

If you want to understand what happened in Steubenvile, you can start with than this:

A New York City man flying cross country with his 12-year-old son allegedly put his hand underneath the skirt of a sleeping female passenger and massaged her thigh, an act he later defended by telling the victim, “It’s not like I molested you. It’s not like I stuck my finger in your pussy or grabbed your tits.

I didn’t know that convicted rapists had groupies.

If you can’t play by the rules, change the rules.

The sometimes vexing question of where and when to add an apostrophe appears to have been solved in one corner of Devon: the local authority is planning to do away with them altogether.

Later this month members of Mid Devon district council’s cabinet will discuss formally banning the pesky little punctuation marks from its (no apostrophe needed) street signs, apparently to avoid “confusion”.

The news of the Tory-controlled council’s (apostrophe required) decision provoked howls of condemnation on Friday from champions of plain English, fans of grammar, and politicians. Even the government felt the need to join the campaign to save the apostrophe.

It is not surprising that the Tory (that is, English conservative) party would exercise such Sherlockian Watsonian logic.

At Columbia University in New York, students are envious of higher-scoring classmates – and obsessed with sex. At the University of Nebraska, roommates are a big complaint. And students are obsessed with sex. At UC Berkeley, students waste little time vexing about scores or roommates. They’re too obsessed with sex.

Revelations like these are found on Facebook “confession” pages springing up across the country, the 21st century equivalent of the college dorm’s bathroom wall: public, anonymous and the perfect listening post for the obsessions of your hot little heart.

Follow the link to learn about San Francisco State’s efforts to get the one about it taken down, because branding!.

Wait for the sequel, because First Amendment! which does not have a because stupid! exemption.