Too Stupid for Words category archive

Via Bob Cesca’s Awesome Blog.

The San Jose Mercury-News schools you in how to track your teenager’s romantic progress (by the way, what’s with your skeevy fascination with teenagers’ romances, anyway?) via Facebook.

Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.

Many years ago, one of my coworkers went out for dinner with a member of my company in the Left Coast office.

He ended up getting stuck with the bill for a bottle of Dom Perignon.

His comment afterwards was quite a propos: “I don’t care how good it is. No champagne is worth $35.00 a glass.” (As I said, it was a long time ago.)

I would say that that comment applies to this football ticket:

This time it cost him $21,000 — about how much Pate and his wife have donated to the school since graduation, making them eligible to purchase two seats under the school’s points- based ticket-allotment system. The game will provide a spot in the national championship contest for the winner and has produced the highest resale prices for any college conference championship this season.

The couple paid $100 each for seats in the upper deck, far less than the current lowest price of $337 for one ticket, according to TiqIQ, an aggregator of the ticket resale market. Prices range as high as $5,747 for a seat in the front row of the stadium’s mezzanine section as of Nov. 28, according to TiqIQ data.

Figuring a playing time of 60 minutes, not counting commercials, that’s $350.00 a minute.

I can think of a few things I’d be willing to pay $350.00 a minute for, and large people running into each other at high speed is not one of them.

It’s only game, folks.

And a corrupt and crooked one at that.

Heh.

While stationed with the Navy SEALs, Lt. Cmdr. Christopher Lee Tappen wanted an easy way to fly home to the West Coast to see his wife. The plan he devised now could land him in prison.

Tappen, 35, admitted in federal court Wednesday that he built a plane, on the government’s dime, out of parts he ordered through his job. He pleaded guilty to filing a false claim and faces up to five years in prison when he is sentenced April 1.

MarketWatch dot com, an organ of Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, has implemented a Fiscal Cliff Countdown Clock (remember the “Fiscal Cliff,” a creation of your gridlocked-by-Republicans Congress as romanticized by your fact-free media?), the better to scare you with, my dear.

No link. Find it yourself.

It’s all myth and hype, dreamed up by, natch, a marketer, and spread by a credulous media complex that can’t tell fact from fiction in shopping or politics.

I followed said link.

Nowhere in the story was there any indication of an iProbe, or any other kind of iJunk, being used in Springfield.

A contradiction, via Contradict Me.

Buried in a larger story about small stockholder protests over Target’s opening on Thanksgiving Day:

Target isn’t the only retailer opening on Thanksgiving. Toys “R” Us, Wal-Mart Stores and Sears Holdings Corp. will open at 8 p.m. In 2011, Toys “R” Us opened at 9 p.m. on Thanksgiving, Wal-Mart opened at 10 p.m., and Sears opened at 4 a.m. on Black Friday. Macy’s and Kohl’s will open at midnight on Black Friday, just as they did last year.

It’s a competition to see who can bamboozle you out of your bucks the soonest.

Dammit, if I’m staying up past midnight, it’s gonna be to go to some place a damn sight more interesting than some coookie-cutter department store.

A lawsuit filed by a Lawrence County (Pennsylvania–ed.) woman whose newborn child was taken from her following a false-positive drug test because she had eaten a poppyseed bagel is being settled, according to filings in U.S. District Court late Thursday.

She got her baby back five days later the “county realized its mistake.”

I used to have family in Lawrence County. The hospital’s actions do not surprise me at all.

It’s one of those places that puts the “be” in “nighted.”

A Florida man who threatened Barack Obama’s life in a Facebook post earlier this month was unrepentant when confronted by Secret Service agents, according to a felony complaint.

Investigators arrived at Christopher Castillo’s Melbourne home last Thursday to question him about a November 1 Facebook post in which he wrote, “That’s the last straw, if he gets re-elected I’m going to hunt him down and kill him watch the life disappear from his eyes.”

The post has been taken down. After he repeated threats in an “interview” with the Secret Service, the poster has been taken into custody.

A Turlock woman who posted inflammatory comments on Facebook about President Barack Obama has been fired from her job and reported to the U.S. Secret Service.

Turlock resident Denise Helms, 22, posted shortly after the president’s re-election Tuesday on her Facebook page, “And another 4 years of the (n—–). Maybe he will get assassinated this term..!!”

The post quickly made the rounds on social media, prompting Sacramento TV station Fox 40 to interview her about her comments Wednesday night.

Later on in the report, she’s quoted as saying she doesn’t understand the attention from the Secret Service and isn’t a racist.

Indeedy not no couldn’t be, that word just sprang to her mind out of nowhere.

Afterthought:

There’s another lesson, one I harp on.

The internet is a public place.

If you are going to say something, say it in a way that you would not fear saying it in a room full of strangers, because it’s going to be overheard.

Twits with Trump cards.

Godawful twits.

Via Attaturk.

Has no one heard of “pulling off the road”?

Investigators believe 18-year-old Brittany Gonzalez, of Seffner, Fla., dropped her cell phone while driving southbound on I-75 about 40 miles south of Tampa around 1:40 a.m. Tuesday. When Gonzalez reached to pick her phone up, she drove her Ford Expedition into the shoulder and then over-corrected, causing the SUV to flip several times before ending up facing east in the middle lane, according to a Florida Highway Patrol report obtained by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

A two more vehicles, a Suburban, then a truck, hit her. The driver of the Suburban died.

Via SMLR.

I don’t think they let him keep his Twitter-er in his cell . . . .

A Woodstock High School (Cherokee County, Georgia–ed.) student who sheriff’s deputies said planned “a Columbine” was behind bars Friday, charged with terroristic threats.

Lake Reynolds, a 17-year-old junior, allegedly posted a message Thursday night on Twitter that said, “Planning on pulling a Columbine tomorrow guys, be prepared!” a Cherokee Sheriff’s Office spokesman said.