C’est Rire category archive

This is a hair-raising subhead.

So much for trial before punishment.

The judge has given her a big heads-up. He said this kind of behavior had to be cut off immediately.

In case of a “not guilty” plea, the prosecutorial team was to be headed by Gil O’Teene.

(I missed this in Thursday’s local rag, but my friend the editor got me headed in the right direction.)

I predict in-law troubles for the betrothed couple:

A man was charged with disorderly conduct at a Rock Hill, South Carolina, restaurant this weekend after he became “irate” over the bill and threatened to stab someone, police say.

The 50-year-old Rock Hill man was at White Horse Restaurant on Camden Avenue for a wedding party for his daughter Friday night, according to a Rock Hill police report. After the bill arrived, he was angry he had to pay for the alcohol because he thought the groom’s father was supposed to pay for all of the dinner, the report states.

Er, yeah.

The University of Colorado is blaming “defective” toilet paper for expensive plumbing problems — including overflowing toilets in more than 20 campus buildings — that janitorial workers dealt with at the end of the spring semester in 2009.

Disappointingly, the story does not explain the nature of the defect.

This is to be the best lead (yes, it’s “lead,” not “lede,” for Pete’s sake–it “leads” you to read the rest) I have seen in a long time:

Experimentation is essential for artists, Josephine L. Winsor once said, so maybe that explains why the 74-year-old painter from Wayne was drunk in a national park after dark with a dead woodpecker in her car.

From El Reg:

The Mill St Pak ‘n Save in Hamilton, New Zealand should have been shut for Good Friday, but the godless computer system overrode a manual command to shutter up, and flicked on the lights and threw open the automatic doors at 8am despite a complete absence of any staff.

(snip)

The store’s owner, Glenn Miller, told the Waikato Times that 24 people stocked up during the unscheduled opening hours.

Half of those used the self-scanning kit to pay for their goods. The other dirty dozen took advantage of the assistant-less zombie store to help themselves, with the police arriving after receiving a report of people making off with truckloads of groceries.

Afterthought:

The heartening bit is that half the folks paid for their purchase.

Also, Glenn Miller.

Storms, wind and driving rain are most often to blame for power outages in coastal Virginia.

But osprey nests?

Dominion Virginia Power says a large nest, made from straw, reeds and sticks, and resting on transmission lines along Northampton Boulevard, caused a 90-minute blackout Thursday night that affected more than 12,000 homes.

Be honest now.

Haven’t you always harbored a secret desire to give the electric company the bird?

When I was a young ‘un, back in the olden days, ospreys (AKA “sea hawks,” sometimes “sea eagles”) were rare. The article goes on to point out that their population has rebounded since DDT was banned in the 1970s.

They build large nests at the very top of dead trees. And what is a light pole other than a man-made dead tree?

One of the pleasures of boating is seeing ospreys in flight as they hunt.

Occasionally, though they prefer not to, the electric company puts a platform on top of light poles so that ospreys can nest there safely above the transformers. Follow the link to see a picture of one such platform.

In his case, the expression “ball and chain” has become literal.

An Accomack County man described by his attorney as having “cold feet” before his wedding will serve jail time for taking his girlfriend’s money and car and trying to flee to Central America just weeks before the planned nuptials.

The Ridley, Pa., police have kidnapped a pet pot-bellied pig who wandered away and won’t tell anyone where he is because, in their minds, he’s a farm animal.

They have porked him in a hiding place.

I fear the sty in their eye prevents them from behaving other than pettishly.

One could say that this swine flew the coop.

Afterthought:

This is silly and stupid (and I’m not referring to my post). Also cruel.

A six-pound pig that lives indoors and uses a litter box is no more a farm animal than a pet rabbit is a wild beast.

Addendum, Two Days Later:

The pig is out of stir and no longer in danger of stir-fry:

“They said they had put the pig up for ‘adoption.’ You can’t do that. That’s my pet! I have the paperwork,” Maguire told the Daily News this week. “They won’t give me an address, phone number, the name of the farm, anything.”

As officials clammed up, the “Where is Steve?” rallying cry was quickly getting attention on Facebook, and a friend of Maguire’s and Broadhurst’s started printing T-shirts with the slogan.

Apparently, the pressure was too much for Ridley officials.

And little Steve made it wee, wee, wee, all the way home.

Well, bear.

Don’t often see them near the beachfront.

A black bear that was on the loose in Virginia Beach all day Friday, was shot with a tranquilizer dart and lowered from a tree to safety.

(snip)

The male bear was found around 5 p.m. Police were armed with weapons just in case and shot the bear with a tranquilizer dart around 7:15 p.m. while the bear was sitting in a tree. After the bear fell asleep, it started getting dark so the fire department brought in a fire truck with a ladder on it to shine a light on the bear. They sawed off branches from the tree and lowered the bear down in a harness around 8:30 p.m.

Video at the link. The interesting shots start about three minutes in.

Read more »

This should be fun to follow:

A young model who worked as a personal assistant for Vince Shlomi–the TV pitchman responsible for the ShamWow and Slap Chop products–alleges that he wanted her to be his “love slave,” and offered to buy her eggs for $20,000 and pay her to sleep in his bed with him, according to a federal lawsuit.

Funny or Die collects the fail. From the website:

This is not about mocking Fox News for any political agenda. This is about the fact that the network clearly has a tendency for major onscreen gaffes, which may or may not undermine those political agendas. It’s also about alliterations. “Major MSNBC Mishaps” just sounds awkward.

Follow the link for the presentation.

At Comically Vintage.

The McCaffertys and at least seven other residents of Radnor Green and Ashbourne Hills received letters warning them this would happen. Police and Delaware Department of Transportation officials say their hoops, angled toward the street, violate the state’s Free Zone law, which prohibits hoops, trees, shrubs and other objects from being within seven feet of the pavement’s edge in subdivisions.

About 15 minutes after McCafferty climbed the pole by standing on top of her minivan, the DelDOT equipment rumbled toward her.

Perched on a bend in the metal pole with her fuzzy bedroom slippers dangling down, McCafferty refused to budge despite police and DelDOT pleas.

Police threatened to tow her van. They asked if she would miss work over this. She replied she “would be here all day,” no matter what. McCafferty heard threats that the hoop would come down whether she cooperated or not.

There’s a picture of her sitting on the basketball hoop at the link.

Most of the basketball hoops in question have been there for decades. The law banning them (and certain other things within seven feet of the pavement) was passed in 2005. (Hmmm, maybe I could have gotten the state to take down that tree I paid someone 400 smackers to take down in 2007 and saved a few bucks–it was about 18 inches back.)

I know that neighborhood well. When I lived in those parts, I had friends in Radnor Green. It’s quiet and secluded, with little traffic except when persons are leaving for and returning from work and school. The streets are wide and curvy, though not twisty, which keeps speeds down.

I can’t say that I believe pointing basketball hoops towards the street is a good idea, but, honestly (as my mother would have said).

When I went to Radnor Green, I would occasionally have to wait for kids playing ball to clear the street, but they usually seemed to do so without delaying me. I have also had to wait for kids on skateboards and bicycles to clear the street.

I know.

Let’s ban bicycles and skateboards.

While we’re at it, let’s just ban kids in suburban neighborhoods.

Addendum:

The local member of the Delaware House has asked the state police to look into how this was handled. From today’s follow-up story:

In a part of the confrontation captured on video by The News Journal, a woman who appears to be a state police trooper tells the McCafferty family that they can have their basketball pole back after DelDOT removes it from the ground.

Moments later, after the pole is removed and put into a truck, the same trooper denies she ever made such an offer.

John McCafferty said the woman never clearly identified herself or which agency she was with but just issued orders.

Back in my railroading days, I was involved in a long project with the railroad police which took me to railroad police offices all over the country.

I learned that the railroad cops–sworn officers, many with state and municipal experience–considered the Delaware State Police to insufferably arrogant and hated having to deal with them.

Me, I’m a Gevaliac.

Inventory sale:

Somali pirates have made large swathes of the Indian Ocean a no-go area, but lately they’ve become victims of their own success. Security agencies report that pirate groups are more willing to negotiate the release of captured vessels lately — in large part, experts believe, because their ports at Haradheere, Eyl and Hobyo are choked up with ships.

The pirates are reportedly looking for quicker deals, and seem willing to accept lower ransoms, if it means the ships can be moved on.

VIa Wait! Wait!

Not at 15th and JFK.

Police shut down LOVE Park yesterday afternoon after 10 to 15 teens were arrested for disorderly conduct and rumors spread that flash mobs were set to form.

Officers stood guard at the entrances, telling passers-by not to enter the park. The park was shut down from 4:30 to 8:30 p.m., said Lt. D.F. Pace, of Center City’s 9th Police District.

Four-leaf clovers . . .

. . . green beer.