Gunnuttery category archive

Treat your playmates with courtesy:

A boy playing with a gun in a West Philadelphia playground resulted in another boy being taken to the hospital, police say.

Celebrate All Hallows’ Eve, politely:

Police say a costumed 9-year-old girl was accidentally shot outside a western Pennsylvania home during a Halloween party by a relative who thought she was a skunk.

In my experience, nine-year-old children tend to be somewhat larger than skunks.

The correlation between gunnuttery and stupid appears to be statistically significant.

Protect your dwelling, politely.

A woman has died after being shot by her boyfriend, who told Sacramento police he mistakenly thought she was an intruder.

The man telephoned authorities this morning to report that he had accidentally shot his girlfriend, police said.

Demonstrate politeness to your young:

Three people were shot this morning just before the opening kickoff of a peewee football game at the field adjacent to Pittsburgh Obama International Studies Academy in East Liberty.

A team from the East End and one from Wilkinsburg were getting ready to play when shots were fired in the grandstand at 10:08 a.m.

Cure hiccoughs politely.

One Central Texas soldier has been charged with killing another in gunfire while allegedly trying to help cure the victim’s hiccups.

Killeen police say the Fort Hood soldiers were drinking alcohol and watching football when the incident happened Sunday night.

An arrest affidavit says Spc. Patrick Edward Myers of Spartanburg, S.C., apparently pointed a gun at the victim’s head to scare him and stop the hiccups. Myers allegedly thought the gun had dummy rounds when it discharged.

Busted for exporting politeness:

Two Roanoke men have been charged in what federal authorities say was a Virginia-to-Connecticut gun-running operation.

Also, be sure to train for politeness:

Mark Jarrell, 41, of Canada, Ky., was in the process of separating three locomotives from a train around 8:15 p.m. Thursday when he was shot, said Robin Chapman, director of public relations for Norfolk Southern Corp.

“He stepped off the tracks, turned around and was shot in the chest by an unknown assailant,” Chapman said. “He got back on the locomotive, and got on the radio and called for assistance.”

Quite by happenstance, I live near a golf course (I don’t golf–I point and laugh).

I have neighbors whose windows have been broken by errant shots. Several of my neighbors have, with full approval of the condo association, mounted thick sheets of plexiglass over particularly vulnerable windows.

Usually, the golfers just walk on by, but, in several cases, showing the integrity for which their scorecards are renowned, they have promised to pay for fixing the windows, then followed up by giving false names and addresses and, in one case, a fraudulent check.

Consquently, it is essential to show courtesy on the links.

A man has been arrested on suspicion of shooting and wounding a golfer after an errant ball broke a window at his home.

I am confident that there was no misconduct here. It was merely an attempt to spread politeness:

Police are trying to determine why an .40-caliber Glock handgun with two fully loaded clips was hidden in the emergency room of Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta at Hughes Spalding.

As the twig is bent and all that, eh, what.

A Surfeit of Politeness: A Philadelphia Daily News editor visits the gun room, where guns used in crimes are stored, of the Philadelphia Police Department.

The concept of guns – the arguments, the fretting, the hand-wringing over the havoc they cause, the arguments over the Second Amendment – has nothing to do with confronting real guns, especially in the Gun Room. The volume is shocking. In a room with this many guns – dull, ugly man-made objects that exist only to extinguish life – there’s just one thing to think about: death. No, that’s not exactly right: The volume is so overwhelming that I’m not really thinking at all. It’s my lizard brain that’s processing this sight – that ancient, preverbal part of the brain that is incapable of higher reasoning, only survival. I think it’s telling me to get out of there. There is nothing these guns are good for but death. I wonder how anyone carries a gun without it being a constant, metallic reminder of mortality.

Read the rest.

Practice courtesy on the highways.

According to police, the shooter pulled up next to Noll in his car and for reasons that may be related to road rage, fired multiple rounds at Noll, striking him several times. The suspect then fled the scene in his car and remains at large.

Look politely:

The argument started with the two exchanging dirty looks, police said.

The shooter pulled out a pistol, the teen’s brother dropped the laundry detergent and his mom froze up, police said. The 17-year-old tried to run but was struck in the side of his back.

Polite in the streets:

The man was walking down the 1500 block of Latimer Street (Philadelphia–ed) adjusting his holster when his gun fired, the bullet striking his left ankle, police said.

An intelligence test would infringe on their right to politeness.

Weave through traffic, politely.

Travis Heebner, 26, from Muhlenberg Twp., is accused of pulling out the gun at a busy intersection and aiming it at another car on Sunday.

Police say two victims reported that Heebner drove dangerously close to their rear bumper, passed them at a high rate of speed, cut them off, and then continued weaving in and out of traffic.

A bit later, he was waiting to turn and they asked him what the problem was. That’s when he was compelled to give them an etiquette lesson.

Walk your dog, politely.

A jury trial began today for a Richmond man facing murder charges in the fatal shooting of two brothers in a dispute over dog feces left in front of a Manchester apartment.

Settle sporting arguments with politeness.

Delaware State Police are investigating a shooting that took place at Vince’s Sport Center in Newark Friday afternoon.

The incident happened just before 1:30 p.m. Friday afternoon.

Police say three people were shot following an altercation between a group of 8 men between the ages of 18 and 22-years-old, and a couple in the parking lot of the sports center on Gender Road.

I used to take First Son to this place to practice batting for Little League Lo! these many years ago.

Stand in line to pick up your prescription with courtesy.

From my local rag (the survivor disputes the police account and claims the other guy drew first; anecdotes cited in the article, q. v., indicate that the deceased tended to be confrontational):

Benn’s statement is at odds with information released by police, who gave the following account: Benn accused Colorado of cutting in front of him and they began arguing just after 2 p.m. Colorado sprayed Benn with pepper spray. Benn then drew a handgun and approached Colorado, firing at him. Colorado drew a handgun, returned fire and collapsed.

Gun Nut Paradise approacheth apace. Every city, Dodge City; every hill, Boot Hill.

Drive down the road and end up in target practice.

The bullet that struck the SUV landed a few inches behind the right rear passenger seat where one of her two twin daughters was sitting.

(snip)

New Hanover police arrested three audults and three juveniles who were target practicing in their backyard of a nearby home on the 3300 block of New Hanover Square Road.

Follow the link for details. These bozos had quite the arsenal.

Show courtesy to your fellows when attending the theatre:

A man accidentally shot himself in the buttocks when he dropped his concealed handgun at a movie theater in Sparks, Nevada on Tuesday night.

(snip)

“Witnesses inside the theater at the time the shot was fired stated that a (man) was adjusting himself in his seat when a gun he had on him discharged,” Sparks police Sgt. Pay Dyer said in a statement.

What’s with the mutual attraction between guns and stupid?

Aside:

Adjusting himself.

Indeed.

Another outbreak of politeness is in the news, this one in Texas:

News 3 is en-route to an officer involved shooting in College Station.

Reports via police scanner say it’s near Fidelity and Highland streets.

It appears that the shooter is shooting from a house with automatic weapons.

Scanner traffic indicates that at least two officers are down.

The budding Amy Vanderbilt is reported to be in custody.

Update: It looks like the wannabe Amy ain’t giving no more etiquette lessons.

Every city, Dodge City. Every hill, Boot Hill.

Via Balloon Juice.