Gunnuttery category archive

Promulgate politeness to your progeny:

Jones’ 7-year-old son found a loaded gun under a bed in his Englewood neighborhood home and accidentally shot his younger brother through the top of his left leg as the toddler was sleeping in his bed. The gun belonged to Jones, police said.

Always be polite on your way to the drunk tank.

A Tennessee lawmaker who sponsored a controversial bill to allow handguns to be carried in bars was arrested Tuesday for driving under the influence and possessing a handgun while under the influence.

Police said that Tennessee state Rep. Curry Todd® was pulled over at around 11:15 p.m. in Nashville, according to WSMV-TV. Officers found a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Special hidden between the driver’s seat and center console.

An affidavit charged that the lawmaker was “almost falling down at times” and “obviously very impaired and not in any condition to be carrying a loaded handgun.”
He is being held on $3,000 bond at the Nashville Metro Jail.

Shamelessly stolen from Balloon Juice.

Even though you may feel road rage, remain polite:

The victim reported she was talking to a friend in her vehicle, which was parked in a prohibited area, when another driver blew her horn several times, according to police.

The second driver, Wyche, stopped her vehicle, got out and allegedly started yelling and walking toward the victim, according to police interviews.

After Wyche told her to move her vehicle, the victim got out of her vehicle to confront her.

“(The victim) stated that Wyche removed the handgun from her purse and stated, ‘I can handle this myself. I can handle it, I can handle it now,’ ” wrote Officer Matthew Thompsen of the Salisbury Police Department.

Teach courtesy by example to your offspring at the playground:

Police were still trying to determine why Flowers-Vassell, who had just dropped off a student, allegedly pulled her 2008 Honda Civic alongside a vehicle driven by Karolyn Browden of Decatur and encouraged Browden to “bring it on” before pointing the gun at her, Perkins said.

Browden was dropping off a daughter and the daughter’s friend at the Lithonia school on Browns Mill Road when the incident occurred, police said. Browden told police she didn’t know what caused Flowers-Vassell to allegedly brandish the gun.

Always use your manners when dining out:

Angered that his Taco Bell drive-thru order failed to include hot sauce, a Missouri man returned to the fast food restaurant and allegedly pulled a shotgun on an employee, who fled in fear from the takeout window.

Outdoor recreation, the courteous way:

Police in Massachusetts say a Pennsylvania man with rope, a pulley, a flashlight attached to a headband and glow sticks may have drowned in a river while trying to retrieve a gun.

Haverhill (HAY’-vruhl) police say divers found a Glock semiautomatic pistol Wednesday in the Merrimack River. It was near the spot where the body of 30-year-old Matthew Bleistein of Lancaster, Pa., was found suspended by a rope around his waist on Saturday.

There’s something disturbing about the love between gun nuts and the rifled objects of their affection.

Remember when banks gave away toasters? This is ever so much more Amy Vanderbilt:

One Florida company has found a novel way of enticing new customers to open accounts that takes advantage of America’s lax gun laws: offering people free AK-47 assault rifles! The Broward Palm Beach New Times reports that MerchantService.com, a Sarasota-based company that provides the equipment and processing for businesses’ credit card transactions, announced its “Free AK-47 Giveaway” last Thursday. Based on the size of their order, customers can redeem a voucher for an AK-47 worth up to $750.

I can’t wait for a Law and Order episode ripped from this headline.

Afterthought:

Holy moley, Law and Order had been on the air twice as long as M*A*S*H.

Via Bob Cesca, who’s on a roll this week.

Just yesterday, my brother and I were talking about the absence of courtesy at sporting events. He had attended a college football game and was most distressed at the large number of persons who cut into the line for admittance.

Now comes a remedy for discourtesy at sporting events.

Students preparing for a cross country meet found a cache of weapons behind Millville High School yesterday, forcing a a lock-down.

Authorities say members of the cross country team discovered a backpack about 3:35 p.m. as they were preparing for a meet at the school in Cumberland County, New Jersey.

Always be polite when attending church:

After killing a man at a Lakeland (Florida–ed.) home, a gunman ran to a nearby church and shot two pastors, deputies say.

Now Floridians can talk about politeness once more:

A federal judge Wednesday blocked a Florida gun law that restricted doctors from asking patients about firearms.

Judge Marcia G. Cooke said doctors had a First Amendment right to ask about firearms, and she rapped the state’s lawyers for failing to provide more than anecdotal evidence to show the law was needed.

“The State has attempted to inveigle this Court to cast this matter as a Second Amendment case,” Cooke wrote. “Despite the State’s insistence that the right to ‘keep arms’ is the primary constitutional right at issue in this litigation, a plain reading of the statute reveals that this law in no way affects such rights.”

Florida plans to appeal, because, after all, happiness is warm gun.

The cowboy myth:

If Congress adopts a bill that the National Rifle Association is pushing, Florida’s licenses would apply to 49 states in all — allowing their holders to carry hidden guns in places such as midtown Manhattan, where the New York Police Department rejects most such applications for “concealed- carry” permits.

Gun Nuts won’t be happy until every town is Deadwood and every hour is high noon.

In discussing the arrest in Georgia of a promising NBA star, Leonard Pitts, Jr., gets to the heart and soul of gunnuttery:

A man or boy has a psychological — perhaps even biological — need to prove his capability, durability, fearlessness, toughness. Recognizing this, it would be a worthwhile mission for families, schools, worship houses and other community institutions working toward violence reduction to formulate means that allow boys to fulfill that imperative constructively.

At the very least, teach them that a gun is not a penis. It’s a tragedy that Crittenton didn’t know that.

Brotherly love, the polite way:

Jessie Nicole Kessinger was shot and killed by her 10-year-old brother before police were called by family members to the 100 block of Preston Street, according to a news release from the Radford Police Department.

Resolve family religious differences politely.

A Marietta man killed his mother due to an argument concerning religion, a Cobb County warrant states.

(snip)

The criminal warrant states Dorce admitted to shooting Whitty (his mother–ed.) about 15 times with a 9mm handgun, including reloading the weapon after it jammed.

Stay healthy, the courteous way.

Visit your local yogurt shop today.

A white male dressed in a hoodie entered and pulled “a weapon resembling” a Heckler and Koch MP5 9mm submachine gun from a dark bag. He then ordered two patrons – a man and a little girl – and employees to the ground, police said.

Three female employees ran to the back of the store and out the rear door. The robber followed them, police say, and demanded that a woman sitting at a desk to open the store’s safe. But the employee told the robber that she could not open the safe.

Polite in the park.

Do handguns belong in South Florida’s parks and recreation centers and city halls?

They do according to the Florida Legislature.

Under a new law that takes effect Oct. 1, all of the state’s cities and counties must repeal local rules limiting gun ownership.

Job security for Crockett and Tubbs.

Always be polite to your elders.

A 101-year-old woman is listed in serious but stable condition at the hospital Monday morning after Richmond Police say she was shot in the neck by a bullet fired from the gun of her grandson over the weekend.

Police say 101-year-old Naomi Taggart was caught in the crossfire while two of her grandsons fought inside her East 20th Street home around midnight Sunday morning.

Police say the grandsons were arguing over money when they started shooting at each other.

I couldn’t pass this up, even as I’m setting up locally to troubleshoot my theme:

A officer in Philadelphia had such a bad case of gunnuttery that he stole parts from the forensics unit. There appears to have been an attempt to cover it up, apparently out of deference to his parents, who worked for (or, in the case of his father, had retired from) the department, but it doesn’t appear to have been covered up at a departmental level.

This lust for guns seems to go far beyond sport or self-defense or a well-regulated militia into some realm of pathology.

There is nothing “well-regulated” about this:

Magsam was known by colleagues in the FIU as a gun collector, and he spoke often about knowing how to convert semiautomatic weapons into automatic weapons, according to more than a half-dozen police sources who are familiar with the Internal Affairs investigation and Magsam’s tenure in the unit.

When firearms examiners discovered that parts from an AR-15 and M2 carbine had been removed – and crudely replaced with parts from a semiautomatic weapon – many immediately suspected Magsam, the sources said.

The stolen parts were soon returned – and photographed by members of the FIU – and Magsam offered a tearful confession to Testa, the sources said.

Being in possession of stolen or unregistered automatic-weapon parts is a violation of the National Firearms Act, according to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.

Always be polite when proposing marriage:

An Indiana man has been charged with three counts of felony criminal recklessness for allegedly firing a gun over the head of his girlfriend after she declined his marriage proposal.

How could she have possibly refused such an onslaught of charm?

Bring history alive, the courteous way:

Authorities say a mock Old West gun battle participant in South Dakota who wounded three tourists by firing live ammunition instead of blanks has served more than five years in Minnesota prisons on multiple felony convictions.

South Dakota law says that a person convicted of a felony in South Dakota or another state cannot possess or have control of a firearm for 15 years.