Too Stupid for Words category archive

In defense of this guy.

There’s a reason my brother calls her “Christine O’Dodo.”

. . . betcha he gasses up first.

A suspected bank robber’s getaway lasted only about 10 minutes Wednesday after police caught up with him at a Jonesboro gas station.

(snip)

Police caught up with Jenkins in Jonesboro as he was pumping gas into a white Cadillac Sedan

This crime remains unsolved as yeti.

State police said Friday a trooper took a report in Lykens, 30 miles northeast of Harrisburg, for a report that taillights and windows on the RV had been smashed.

John Reed tells police that a large, brown, hunched-over bigfoot has been seen nearby. The 39-year-old Reed is a veteran bigfoot hunter, and maintains the Lykens Valley Sasquatch Hunters page on Facebook.

Addendum, the Next Morning:

You can read the police report at The Smoking Gun.

Heh.

More than 99 percent of all cell phone calls for 911 are by accident and local dispatchers say those calls are jamming the system, making it hard to deal with real emergencies.

“A visitor to the Oceanfront dialed 911 34 times unbeknownst to him,” Operations Manager at the Virginia Beach Emergency Communications Center Lori Stiles said. “911 attempted 44 calls back to him before we reached him and he indicated his phone had dialed an error and he did not need assistance.”

In other words, approximately 500 of the 50,000 calls they received in the third quarter were valid emergency 911 calls. And that’s just in one middlin’-sized metropolitan area. Wonder what the figure is nationwide.

How the heck do so many people manage to do this?

I’ve placed errant calls on my cell from time to time.

It has always happened when I got an attack of WDB (wrong damned button) and it’s not yet been a 911 call.

I placed the call.

I knew I did it.

I then hit the RDB (right damned button) and ended the call.

Twitter and the Beeb.

The hula hoop returns, reborn with a snappy line of patter for the rubes.

Newsflash: There is no easy way to get and stay fit.

Free weights, baby, free weights and a bicycle.

Twitter comes down with a case of jock twits.

From time to time, I consider going into a rant about how the media tends to portray Southerners as bumpkins, idiots, and morons.

Something always happens to dissuade me–usually some Southerner acting like an idiotic moronic bumpkin:

A Republican candidate for Congress says his Facebook post featuring a photo of his gun and a “Welcome to Tennessee” message for Barack Obama was in no way meant as a threat to the president.

“Good Lord, no,” Brad Staats told The Tennessean in a telephone interview on Monday. “Absolutely not. I’m not one of those that would ever threaten the president. He’s probably got enough of his own stuff to worry about without me.”

I think I can understand Mr. Staats’s puzzlement as to why cyber-brandishing a gun and calling out the President should be worthy of note. I can hear the wheels grinding slowly in his head. I hazard that they sound somewhat like this:

He’s just one of them darkies. And an uppity one at that.

What’s the big deal?

Pah!

H/T Dick Destiny for the link.

A cyber-creep is still a creep.

An Atlantic County, N.J., man known to authorities as the “Facebook stalker” has been charged with harassment and making terroristic threats for sending threatening messages to random female Facebook users in South Jersey, state police said Wednesday.

Craig L. Wyatt Jr., 20, of Hamilton Township, told his alleged victims they had only a few weeks to live, so they should spend their time wisely.

This didn’t turn out quite the way the mope expected.

After learning that her daughter Kaitlyn had lost her phone, Donna Barr “called the phone number of the lost phone and a man calling himself Erick answered,” a cop reported.

Rojo allegedly refused to return the iPhone 3GS unless he was paid $40. He then offered to meet Barr and exchange the iPhone for the ransom.

The woman, however, contacted cops.

The hearing is next month.

In the Hamptons, no less. Gatsby’s playground.

A 63-year-old man who reportedly confessed to a months-long anti-Obama graffiti spree in a tony Hamptons village has been charged with felony criminal mischief and 13 misdemeanor counts, police report.

Lawrence Nickel was collared last week by East Hampton cops in connection with a four-month probe of the vandalism, which “made derogatory references to President Obama and his policies.”

Words fail me.

Honestly (as my mother would have said), you can’t make this stuff up.

Image via Mr. Feastingonroadkill.

In my day, we would t-p the place.

A dispute between neighbors may have led to three homemade bombs being placed on the lawn in front of a Bridgewater home on Sunday.

Two of the devices exploded.

It’s called a “mechanics lien.” You have to pay for the repair.

Police in Delaware have arrested a man after he stole his own truck out of a repair shop lot using a front end loader.

Delaware police say they were called early Friday to the Stop-N-Go in New Castle after a 1999 Chevrolet Silverado pickup went missing. Surveillance tapes showed a front end loader with fork lifts attached driving away with the vehicle.

If you don’t pay, the mechanic gets to lean on you.

I am familiar with Shenango Township. It’s between Pittsburgh and Erie and is extremely rural and hilly. It would not be unusual for persons to turn their lawnmowers around in the road.

The assault came after the teenager–who was cutting grass in front of his family’s home–drove a riding mower “on the road, apparently into the path of” McCosby’s oncoming vehicle, cops reported. After exiting his car, McCosby approached the boy and “knocked the juvenile off the lawn mower and assaulted him in the front yard of the residence,” investigators alleged.

In announcing McCosby’s arrest, cops noted that, “After the assault, and prior to fleeing the scene, McCosby got onto his knee in what appeared to be a prayer. Witnesses described it as a ‘Tebow’.”

Now, had he been packing heat . . . .

We are allowing “reality” television to rule our world.

Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.

Yes, really.

The stupid. It burns.

This weekend, in the land of those other noted envoys for brotherhood, Katherine Harris and Vern Buchanan, the Republican Party of Sarasota will honor Trump at its sold-out annual “Statesman of the Year” award. Uh, isn’t this a bit like paying tribute to befuddled Missouri U.S. Senate candidate Todd Akin for his contributions to a better understanding of obstetrics?

Apparently the Republican Party of Sarasota equates Richard Holbrooke’s brokerage of the Dayton Accords, which brought an end to the Bosnian conflict, with Donald Trump boldly informing Snoop Dog that he isn’t exactly upper management material.

Compared to last year’s Republican Party of Sarasota “Statesman of the Year,” Trump comes off as Anwar Sadat. That would have been the Foghorn Leghorn of the GOP, former Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, who once famously said that he never really noticed any racial tensions while growing up. On his last day in office, he granted pardons and clemency to 203 people, including 19 convicted murderers.