Too Stupid for Words category archive

I followed said link.

Nowhere in the story was there any indication of an iProbe, or any other kind of iJunk, being used in Springfield.

A contradiction, via Contradict Me.

Buried in a larger story about small stockholder protests over Target’s opening on Thanksgiving Day:

Target isn’t the only retailer opening on Thanksgiving. Toys “R” Us, Wal-Mart Stores and Sears Holdings Corp. will open at 8 p.m. In 2011, Toys “R” Us opened at 9 p.m. on Thanksgiving, Wal-Mart opened at 10 p.m., and Sears opened at 4 a.m. on Black Friday. Macy’s and Kohl’s will open at midnight on Black Friday, just as they did last year.

It’s a competition to see who can bamboozle you out of your bucks the soonest.

Dammit, if I’m staying up past midnight, it’s gonna be to go to some place a damn sight more interesting than some coookie-cutter department store.

A lawsuit filed by a Lawrence County (Pennsylvania–ed.) woman whose newborn child was taken from her following a false-positive drug test because she had eaten a poppyseed bagel is being settled, according to filings in U.S. District Court late Thursday.

She got her baby back five days later the “county realized its mistake.”

I used to have family in Lawrence County. The hospital’s actions do not surprise me at all.

It’s one of those places that puts the “be” in “nighted.”

A Florida man who threatened Barack Obama’s life in a Facebook post earlier this month was unrepentant when confronted by Secret Service agents, according to a felony complaint.

Investigators arrived at Christopher Castillo’s Melbourne home last Thursday to question him about a November 1 Facebook post in which he wrote, “That’s the last straw, if he gets re-elected I’m going to hunt him down and kill him watch the life disappear from his eyes.”

The post has been taken down. After he repeated threats in an “interview” with the Secret Service, the poster has been taken into custody.

A Turlock woman who posted inflammatory comments on Facebook about President Barack Obama has been fired from her job and reported to the U.S. Secret Service.

Turlock resident Denise Helms, 22, posted shortly after the president’s re-election Tuesday on her Facebook page, “And another 4 years of the (n—–). Maybe he will get assassinated this term..!!”

The post quickly made the rounds on social media, prompting Sacramento TV station Fox 40 to interview her about her comments Wednesday night.

Later on in the report, she’s quoted as saying she doesn’t understand the attention from the Secret Service and isn’t a racist.

Indeedy not no couldn’t be, that word just sprang to her mind out of nowhere.

Afterthought:

There’s another lesson, one I harp on.

The internet is a public place.

If you are going to say something, say it in a way that you would not fear saying it in a room full of strangers, because it’s going to be overheard.

Twits with Trump cards.

Godawful twits.

Via Attaturk.

Has no one heard of “pulling off the road”?

Investigators believe 18-year-old Brittany Gonzalez, of Seffner, Fla., dropped her cell phone while driving southbound on I-75 about 40 miles south of Tampa around 1:40 a.m. Tuesday. When Gonzalez reached to pick her phone up, she drove her Ford Expedition into the shoulder and then over-corrected, causing the SUV to flip several times before ending up facing east in the middle lane, according to a Florida Highway Patrol report obtained by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

A two more vehicles, a Suburban, then a truck, hit her. The driver of the Suburban died.

Via SMLR.

I don’t think they let him keep his Twitter-er in his cell . . . .

A Woodstock High School (Cherokee County, Georgia–ed.) student who sheriff’s deputies said planned “a Columbine” was behind bars Friday, charged with terroristic threats.

Lake Reynolds, a 17-year-old junior, allegedly posted a message Thursday night on Twitter that said, “Planning on pulling a Columbine tomorrow guys, be prepared!” a Cherokee Sheriff’s Office spokesman said.

In defense of this guy.

There’s a reason my brother calls her “Christine O’Dodo.”

. . . betcha he gasses up first.

A suspected bank robber’s getaway lasted only about 10 minutes Wednesday after police caught up with him at a Jonesboro gas station.

(snip)

Police caught up with Jenkins in Jonesboro as he was pumping gas into a white Cadillac Sedan

This crime remains unsolved as yeti.

State police said Friday a trooper took a report in Lykens, 30 miles northeast of Harrisburg, for a report that taillights and windows on the RV had been smashed.

John Reed tells police that a large, brown, hunched-over bigfoot has been seen nearby. The 39-year-old Reed is a veteran bigfoot hunter, and maintains the Lykens Valley Sasquatch Hunters page on Facebook.

Addendum, the Next Morning:

You can read the police report at The Smoking Gun.

Heh.

More than 99 percent of all cell phone calls for 911 are by accident and local dispatchers say those calls are jamming the system, making it hard to deal with real emergencies.

“A visitor to the Oceanfront dialed 911 34 times unbeknownst to him,” Operations Manager at the Virginia Beach Emergency Communications Center Lori Stiles said. “911 attempted 44 calls back to him before we reached him and he indicated his phone had dialed an error and he did not need assistance.”

In other words, approximately 500 of the 50,000 calls they received in the third quarter were valid emergency 911 calls. And that’s just in one middlin’-sized metropolitan area. Wonder what the figure is nationwide.

How the heck do so many people manage to do this?

I’ve placed errant calls on my cell from time to time.

It has always happened when I got an attack of WDB (wrong damned button) and it’s not yet been a 911 call.

I placed the call.

I knew I did it.

I then hit the RDB (right damned button) and ended the call.

Twitter and the Beeb.

The hula hoop returns, reborn with a snappy line of patter for the rubes.

Newsflash: There is no easy way to get and stay fit.

Free weights, baby, free weights and a bicycle.

Twitter comes down with a case of jock twits.

From time to time, I consider going into a rant about how the media tends to portray Southerners as bumpkins, idiots, and morons.

Something always happens to dissuade me–usually some Southerner acting like an idiotic moronic bumpkin:

A Republican candidate for Congress says his Facebook post featuring a photo of his gun and a “Welcome to Tennessee” message for Barack Obama was in no way meant as a threat to the president.

“Good Lord, no,” Brad Staats told The Tennessean in a telephone interview on Monday. “Absolutely not. I’m not one of those that would ever threaten the president. He’s probably got enough of his own stuff to worry about without me.”

I think I can understand Mr. Staats’s puzzlement as to why cyber-brandishing a gun and calling out the President should be worthy of note. I can hear the wheels grinding slowly in his head. I hazard that they sound somewhat like this:

He’s just one of them darkies. And an uppity one at that.

What’s the big deal?

Pah!

H/T Dick Destiny for the link.