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From Pine View Farm by Frank Bell is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.pineviewfarm.net.
From Pine View Farm

Cultural Illiteracy (Updated in Comments) 4

What is wrong with this story? (Opie, you’re not allowed to enter the contest. I know you’ll catch it in a second.)

Having taken action not to subject even one hair to the sometimes-degrading process of therapeutic redemption, the freshly head-shaved Britney Spears has signed the guest register at “an undisclosed rehab facility” (as her rep Larry Rudolph says to People mag), ostensibly to battle addiction (by battling your tendency to battle against yourself, 12-step sages say). No idea how long Brit’s sojourn is to last. Last week, the Kevin Federline survivor enjoyed a measly 24 hours at Eric Clapton’s über-selective Crossroads Centre in Antigua.

The news comes after days of derision aimed at Brit’s decision to shear her pop-star hair. But consider Ellen Ripley in Alien 3. Or Demi Moore in G.I. Jane. (Even Marlon Brando’s phantagasmoric pate in Apocalypse Now!) Unlike Solomon, who became a weakling after Delilah sheared his manly locks, women who are untressed gain power. (Brando transcends gender.) Their baldness emboldens them to act boldly, like that sublime killer virgin, Joan of Arc.

And isn’t Brit our PoMo Joan, whose destiny is to lead us all to a place beyond red states and blue states. A place where we all get to hang with Paris and Lindsay every day.

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February 21, 2007 | Posted by: Frank | Posted in: Uncategorized |

4 comments

  1. Opie

    February 21, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    I will honor your request and refrain, but I didn’t even need to click on the link – all I did was read the part you quoted and I immediately knew this piece was written by Howard Dean.

     
  2. Opie

    February 21, 2007 at 9:34 pm

    I will honor your request and refrain, but I didn’t even need to click on the link – all I did was read the part you quoted and I immediately knew this piece was written by Howard Dean.

    (Link corrected this time.)

     
  3. Frank

    February 22, 2007 at 6:24 pm

    ROFL

     
  4. Frank

    February 23, 2007 at 7:27 pm

    From yesterday’s Inkie:

    Forgive us, mighty Samson

    In the biblical tale told in the Book of Judges, it is Samson whose locks are shorn by the devious Delilah, and not Solomon, as was erroneously (and, yes, egregiously) stated in yesterday’s column. We knew this. You knew this.

     
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