Give Me a Break category archive
Give Me a Break: Airhead Department. 0
No Paris Hilton blow-up in your future:
Uh, yeah.
Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to avoid the obvious pun?
Give Me a Break: Urge To Slash Tires Dept. 3
Give me a break subcategory:
Billowy Christmas penguins, taller than NBA star Yao Ming, have put down stakes alongside red-capped SpongeBobs saluting mammoth Grinches and nutcrackers that loom like pine trees.
Nationally, sales of the novelties, which cost between $20 and $200, are expected to top $500 million this year, up from $100 million in 2003, said Pam Danziger, whose company, Unity Marketing in Lancaster County, tracks consumer spending.
Inflatables are the country’s fastest-growing category of outdoor Christmas decorations, said Danziger, who conceded their charms.
Charms? Charms? Charms?
Oh, brother.
Give Me a Break: Phillybits Dept. 1
Apparently, the self-appointed guardians of God on this earth have it in for Phillybits.
Give Me a Break: One Born Every Minute Dept. 0
On the rare night I watch a little television, other than Law and Order reruns, I saw three ads for this.
Jeez oh man, there must be one born every minute.
Give Me a Break: Small Minds Dept. 2
Oh, man.
Laura Mallory, a mother of four, told a hearing officer for the Gwinnett County Board of Education on Tuesday that the popular fiction books are an “evil” attempt to indoctrinate children in the Wicca religion.
And the Tarzan stories were designed to get persons to live in the jungle with animals.
Sheesh.
Give Me a Break: Elmo Dept. 5
From today’s Local Rag:
Going online, shoppers soon learned that the shortage was made even worse by a raid on retail outlets by speculators who had listed an army of Elmos on eBay.
More than 20,000 T.M.X. Elmos – the initials stand for Tickle Me “Extreme” – were for sale on the Internet auction site at 5:35 p.m. yesterday, according to eBay Marketplace Research, which monitors listing, bidding and pricing on the site. And more than 7,000 Elmos had already been sold, at prices up to $355.
(snip)
“I’ll probably buy one on the Net,” Garrison said, though the major retailers weren’t offering much hope there, either. “I don’t even know what it does. I just know the first Tickle Me Elmo was a big success.”
Who the heck are the parents here?
Of course, I’m the guy who, back in the Power Rangers days, showed up early at the last remaining store in Upper Delaware with Power Rangers costumes to get one for Second Son.
It was the Red Ranger, if I recall correctly. And that Hallowe’en, we had more Power Rangers on our street than Ney has bribes.
But, dammit, I paid list price and not a penny more.
Give Me a Break: Shopping Cart Dept. 4
(Expletive Deleted) We need better parents, not better shopping carts.
Sheesh!
Give Me a Break, IPOD Dept. 0
The complaint, filed January 31 in the U.S. District Court in San Jose, Calif. by John Kiel Patterson, alleges that iPods fail to contain adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss. Patterson claims that the iPods and the accompanying “ear bud” earphones are defectively designed.
So there should be a product insert saying, “If you’re too stupid to turn the damn thing down, it may affect your hearing”?
Sheesh.
Indigo Children? 0
Give me a break.
In her 1982 book, Understanding Your Life Through Color, (Starling Publishers) Tappe claimed she could see the colored energy fields that, she said, surround every individual – and said she was starting to see children with a new, deep-blue, aura.
She outlined four types of Indigos – humanist, conceptual, artist and interdimensional – who will become tomorrow’s doctors, engineers, artists and religious leaders.
But Tappe, along with retired psychotherapist Doreen Virtue, says many Indigos also exhibit other, more troublesome traits: impatience, a sense of entitlement that borders on boorishness, and uncontrollable rage.
Read the article.
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