C’est Rire category archive

But what if they gave a jury, and no one came?

Oh, my.

One suspects that this tactic was doomed to failure from the git-go.

The biological mother attempted to get her son dismissed but, police say, school officials declined because of custody issues.

After being turned away at 10:14 a.m., police say the group returned again at 11:07 a.m. and then again at 12:55 p.m.

During the last visit, police say, the group disrobed in the parking lot and began singing religious hymns and prayers.

All this played out in front of students, some of them shooting of the family (sic), still naked with arms inter-locked inside of their van.

School certainly has changed.

Virginia Beach police and firefighters are in the process of removing more than 50 rabbits from a home in the Hilltop area of the city. They removed most on Thursday night, but said they had to return on Friday to check for more.

Officers were called to the home, on the 2100 block of Wolfsnare Road, Thursday night for a report of a foul smell coming from the house, said Virginia Beach police spokesman Jimmy Barnes. Officers arrived to find the house overrun by rabbits.

We had a pet rabbit once.

Nasty vicious beast that produced no end of raisins.

The persons I mentioned in this post last year are taking the state to court:

Radio station WDEL-AM reports John McCafferty is suing the Delaware’s Department of Transportation. McCafferty says his family’s basketball hoop was wrongly taken by officials in 2011. He says a law that prohibits trees and other objects within 7 feet of the pavement’s edge in a residential neighborhood is unconstitutional.

I doubt his suit will get far. “Unconstitutional” is a legal concept.

“Unconstitutional” is not the same as “stupid.”

All kinds of stupid stuff is constitutional.

Via PoliticalProf.

Visualize this:

State police: Man hit by car running from police

No matter what we do, we can’t get her to read the book.

H/T Susan for the pic.

From the Inky:

On Sunday, he recalled, “my wife said, ‘You’re not going to believe it, but I saw a purple squirrel in the yard.’ So I put out a trap with a couple of peanuts inside.”

Before long, the squirrel came back and found itself trapped.

“Even the inside of its ears were purple,” Percy Emert said Thursday.

Sure, it’s commercialized, but it’s still a chuckle.

I am in now way endorsing Denny’s.

This is almost too realistic to be parody.

Via SeattlePI.

Yearbook quotes from Presidential candidates. Warning: Language.

No more.

From the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

We’re so fat that the branch of the U.S. military charged with safeguarding the nation’s maritime interests has had to change the rules for how many passengers boats can carry safely.

No laughing matter, the regulations have economic consequences. For example, the water taxi Miss Pittsburgh could carry 72 passengers in 1999, but the number has been cut to 42, which translated into an $800 loss during three Steelers games alone for the boat’s owner.

(snip)

. . . the average weight of American men has increased from 166 pounds to 195 pounds, a 17.4 percent jump, and from 140 to 165 for women,* a 17.8 percent hike.

ABC reports

The new vessel-stability rules raised the estimated weight of an average adult passenger from 160 pounds to 185 pounds.

I did some arithmetic based on the first item:

Methinks something’s missing from my calculations.

____________________

*And my mother used to fret about being a size 12.

A fellow sued Pepsi, claiming he found a mouse inside a can of Mountain Dew.

Pepsi’s defense: the mouse wouldn’t make it.

According to McGill (a veterinarian deposed for the defense–ed.), if a mouse is submerged in Mountain Dew between four and seven days, the rodent “will have no calcium in its bones and bony structures.” During those days of soft drink immersion, “the mouse’s abdominal structure will rupture.” Additionally, “its cranial cavity (head) is also likely to rupture within that time period,” McGill noted.

After 30 days exposure to Mountain Dew, “all of the mouse’s structures” would have disintegrated to the point that it would not be recognizable. In fact, “the mouse will have been transformed into a ‘jelly-like’ substance.” The only part of the rodent that could possibly survive, added McGill, was “a portion of the tail.”

My mother wouldn’t drink RC Cola because she once found a bee in a bottle. I guess if Mountain Dew had been around when she was young, she would never have found that bee, just a royal jelly-like substance.

Wherever you go, the admen will find you:

Geofencing creates a digital perimeter around a location — which could be a building, school or entire city — that enables merchants or others to become aware when a person’s cellphone crosses an electronic boundary.

“If people know where you are, they can push to you offers that are unique to your Advertisement location,” said Rob Enderle, principal analyst with San Jose-based market researcher Enderle Group.

The flacks are claiming that this electronic tracking has safety overtones. One of them calls it “a personal OnStar” and cites extremely farfetched “what-ifs” (“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”) to persuade you to turn your cell phone into a personalized surveillance drone for the marketers.

A vision: Walk into a mall and get electronically assaulted with ads for stores you never visit.

Walk into a bar and get ads for all those trendy drinks with premium vodka (which is, as I’ve said before, an oxymoron and a triumph of marketing over reality).

Walk into a bathroom and get an ad for Charmin.

Bobbies booted.

Some 150 officers from forces south of the Scottish border have been disciplined for their antics on Facebook in the past four years, at least two were sacked, and a further seven are known to have resigned over online foolishnesses.

. . . officers’ misdeeds included boasting of having roughed up members of the public during recent protests/riots, attempts to befriend victims of crime, inappropriate comment on “others’ wives”, and harassment of former partners and colleagues. That perennial Facebook favourite, inappropriate pictures, also led to many bobbies’ downfall.

Now I have another reason to avoid karaoke bars.

A karaoke singer whose performance was met by a cascade of boos at an Ohio bar allegedly punched three people in the face after he was asked to leave the watering hole Tuesday night, police report.

Too true to be funny.

At Comically Vintage.

Phoning it in.