C’est Rire category archive

I much as I generally sympathize with MoveOn dot org, I must say, this is quite the hoot.

A cow makes a break for it in the UK:

A cow has been shot dead by police after it escaped from a cattle market and took to the streets in Darlington.

(snip)

The cow rammed into vans and parked cars on the Victoria Embankment area, and police said it ran towards people.

Expect to see this premier on Reality Network any day now.

Warning: Language.

Read more »

The Chicago Trib’s Mary Schmich offers hints to make your tomorrow go more smoothly.

The hostess at the Thanksgiving dinner I attend is always popping up and down, which makes everyone else anxious. How can we make her sit?

You probably can’t.

At the Thanksgiving dinner I host, I’m always popping up and down because the slugs at the table keep asking for things. How can I relax?

You are the host. You will never relax. But when one of the slugs says, “Are there more lumpy mashed potatoes?” you might smile sweetly and say, “Why, yes. Would you get them?”

Face it, everyone has dreamed of doing this at least once.

This dog shot a one-in-hole.

Firefighters responded to an old golf course on Friday in Pike Creek to rescue a dog that had fallen in a sink hole.

Kids have no couth, curmudgeon dept.

It has crossed over.

A 50-foot-long bridge in western Pennsylvania has been stolen, and its owners say they’re baffled by the crime and have no idea who took it.

New Castle Development spokesman Gary Bruce said Friday that he “couldn’t believe it when they told me it was gone.”

A polka musician has won a court battle involving his ex-wife and her new husband accused of stealing one of his most popular tunes.

There have been times when I wanted to sue someone over a polka, but not regarding ownership.

The description in the story is understated (link fixed):

Heavy rain caused flooding throughout Hampton Roads, but the worst of it was reported in the northern part of Virginia Beach. A flash flood warning and then a flood warning were in effect for the city for most of the night. The last flood warning expired at 10:30 p.m. Some roads were closed and city police reported cars stuck in the flood waters.

I got home from DL only by driving through two of the deepest puddles I’ve ever encountered on a roadway, if you can call something 100 yards long and up to the running boards if I had running boards “puddles.” The worst one was on a side street where alternative routes were readily available. The neighbors were all clustered along the road, but did any of them bother to warn drivers? No, tow truck breath.

It took my friend five hours to make the 16-mile drive home from her work. She did encounter neighbors who were standing in the floods warning drivers to turn back or keep to the left or so on.

Her experience also confirmed my prejudice against electric everything in cars. Her electric windows and locks failed (they are working again now).

While poised at the edges of flooded areas, she several times had the dubious pleasure of watching macho men and wonder women in their macho trucks and studly SUVs (and one potent Prius) come up behind her, honk angrily, drive around, and stall in the water (with the Prius, it was more like float away).

Changing times means changing crimes:

The Beauty Master store, on Mt. Zion Road in Morrow (Georgia–ed.), is the latest shop targeted by robbers, who break into the stores and grab dozens of packages of hair, worth an average of $200 a pack.

Nearly 500 packages of hair was stolen around 5 a.m. Friday, and the thieves targeted two specific brands: Malaysian and Indian Remy, Lucien Poko, the store’s general manager, told the AJC. Poko runs all seven Beauty Master stores in the Atlanta area, and he said five have now been robbed.

Cheated wife sees red after would-be contract killer fakes hit with ketchup after finding out target was a friend, say Bahia police.

H/T Susan for the headline.

Irene takes out All Hallows’ Eve:

Wholesale prices (for pumpkins–ed.) have doubled in some places as farmers nurse their surviving pumpkin plants toward a late harvest. Some farmers are trying to buy pumpkins from other regions to cover orders.

“I think there’s going to be an extreme shortage of pumpkins this year,” said Darcy Pray, owner of Pray’s Family Farms in Keeseville, in upstate New York. “I’ve tried buying from people down in the Pennsylvania area, I’ve tried locally here and I’ve tried reaching across the border to some farmers over in the Quebec area. There’s just none around.”

At Comically Vintage.

At the Guardian, Paul Mcinness considers the adventures of Willow, the Wandering Cat, and what they might indicate about cat-kind:

The truth is that nobody knows, and those who might – the women who dedicate their lives to studying feline habits by letting dozens of them live in their house – usually turn up dead in a pile of furballs and unopened newspapers before anyone can question them. But the issue of quite who cats are and what they want will not go away. It was brought into focus once again this week when a pet, who had disappeared mysteriously five years ago, reappeared equally mysteriously in a completely different part of the US. You know that bit in Seven where Kevin Spacey just appears in that cop shop? Well it was like that. But with fleas.

It is a delightful little piece of fluff to brighten your day.

He wouldn’t be writing it with such a light heart if he know what cats really do when they disappear for a time.

Stoner Avenue: