C’est Rire category archive

From SAL:

“It’s an hour later than it is.”

A court sees through the charade.

If some of the bridesmaid’s dresses I’ve seen are typical:

. . . someone broke into a prospective bridesmaid’s car between 9 a.m. and noon while she and the bride were at a salon in the Shoppes of Limestone Hills in Pike Creek, Sgt. Walter Newton said.

When the pair returned to the car, they found a pink Watters bridesmaid dress and a Vera Bradley bag were missing, police said.

It was not recovered in time for the wedding.

All seriousness aside, this does seem pointless and possibly vindictive. What is the resale value for a bridesmaid’s dress and where are you going to fence it anyway? Most of them you can’t give away.

I suggest the cops look for someone who is or has a girlfriend who is the same size as the bridesmaid.

Just scary:

Walmart topped the list as the No. 1 business searched. Starbucks took a close second, followed by Target, Best Buy and Bank of America. The top category of food searched is pizza, followed by Chinese, hamburgers, American and Mexican.

No, I haven’t seen it. After Klaatu’s capsule review, I don’t know whether I shall:

(All that money and) “All they could do is retell Dances with Wolves.”

A veteran UPS driver, with a 25-year safety record, reflects:

From his elevated perch, McAllister . . . is appalled by what he sees – people driving while chatting on cell phones, texting, eating, applying makeup, fiddling with radios or CD players, typing on laptops propped against the steering wheel.

“Distractions are the big culprit,” McAllister says, “and it’s definitely gotten worse.”

He is constantly amazed by “the blatant violations of traffic laws as well as the laws of physics and common sense.”

It’s the electronic age. They used to prop books and memos on the steering wheel. Now it’s laptops.

Furrfu.

February sunset:

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See it all here:

Via Unqualified Offerings.

Special orders don’t upset us.

While paying his sewer bill at the county building:

When the cashier told him he was being charged a 6 percent late fee, Spayd shouted some profanities but handed over another $20, court records said.

The cashier gave him 98 cents in change, which he promptly threw back at her, saying, “I guess you need the money more than me,” according to court records.

Before leaving the building, Spayd was overheard saying, “maybe somebody should fly a plane into this building.”

The county got sort of a PFA: he’s not allowed at the country building at least for now.

All seriousness aside, he said something stupid and the county overreacted. They even called in the FBI. Everyone is wrong in this farce.

Pretty soon it will be illegal to blow off steam. Unless, I guess, you are packing heat exercising your Second Amendment rights.

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It is really quite astounding what one can learn.

Apparently, as a nation, Americans can’t make a (ahem) move without drugs.

For example (Warning: May be almost as offensive as the commercials themselves):

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According to Bloomberg, there’s an app for that.

Diageo Plc is ramping up marketing to U.S. iPhone users and middle-aged American women as it seeks to restore sales growth and pricing power in the world’s most profitable spirits market.

(snip)

One of the distiller’s new initiatives is an application for Apple Inc.’s iPhone that allows the user to scan the barcode of a bottle of Smirnoff or Tanqueray gin and be shown cocktail recipes based on that liquor, Moseley said.

Diageo also aims to tap middle-aged women, who it says account for 62 percent of vodka purchases made in stores, by advertising and running promotions through food and lifestyle Web sites such as NBC Universal Inc.’s Today show.

Victor Borge thought he was being funny when he did this (and he was).

I suspect that he did not expect that, years later, some outfit would try to license (as in, “charge for using”) a new punctuation mark.

Arrest the bookies.

Afterthought:

The other way would be actually eat those things your local newspaper–yes, yours–is touting in the recipe pages as “Super Bowl Party” fare.

Helpful instructions via the Wilmington News-Journal’s “twit the snowstorm” page.

Legos at the Beeb.

Likely hoping for a settlement:

Branch (the plaintiff–ed.) has demanded $50,000 from Burger King Corp. and an unnamed employee, whom she claims in Circuit Court documents negligently handed her the cup of coffee inside a paper bag rather than a cup holder. This was during a morning drive-through visit Dec. 7, 2007, to the restaurant at 3952 Holland Road.

It may not be so frivolous as it seems. Knowing the facts may cause you to re-consider the legendary McDonald’s coffee case, which is frequently cited as an example of tort law gone wild.

Addendum:

Settled.

Warning: Language.

Via Delaware Liberal.

El Reg:

A Swedish man was arrested yesterday on “suspicion of unlawful threats and animal welfare offences”, after shoving 19 mice through the letterbox of his musophobic ex-missus’s Stockholm flat.

The unnamed 59-year-old decided to “wreak cruel revenge” on his 37-year-old former other half, who woke up yesterday to find the flat full of “scampering murines”, as The Local puts it.

No longer fancy free.