C’est Rire category archive

Via the local rag.

’nuff said:

New York has overtaken Miami to be voted the U.S. city with the angriest and most aggressive drivers, according to a survey on road rage released on Tuesday.

Miami topped the annual poll for the last four years but voters in 25 major metropolitan areas gave New Yorkers the prize for angriest, most aggressive drivers who tailgate, speed, honk their horns, overreact and lose their tempers.

See the press release here.

I’m convinced that New Jersey wasn’t in the running solely because it is a state, not an SMSA, but, after extensive research (three minutes with Google), I was unable to find a complete list of contestants.

The New York Time’s crossword puzzle in today’s Philadelphia Inquirer:

Clue, 16 down: WWII craft for gettting troops ashore.

Answer that fits: LST.

Correct answer: LSI.

LSI=Landing Ship Infantry.

LST=Landing Ship Tank

I don’t care about ex-Miss USA Carrie Prejean or her views on gay marriage or her inability to express herself coherently. Her views on gay marriage are actually pretty conventional. And, for heaven’s sake, it’s a beauty contest, not a brains contest.

Choosing between her and Perez Hilton–well, he asked her a loaded question; she gave a conventional, if inarticulate, answer; and he and the Celebutard Gossp Industrial Complex went bonkers–well, pot, kettle, and all that.

Nevertheless, as I review Cookie Jill’s questions, I must say the last one deserves a response.

El Reg points and laughs at a survey in the UKofGBandNI that found that

the main reasons why 30 per cent of the country aren’t connected to the internet at home – they either don’t want it or can’t afford it.

Wowsers.

Everydoggie must get stoned.

A dog that ran off from its owner in Seattle’s Seward Park found and ate some marijuana and got high. Owner Jen Nestor Waddell told KING-TV the 11-year-old black Lab mix named Jack was “just stoned” May 12 after they returned home from the park. The dog’s eyes glossed over and he had trouble walking.

The buzzword of the day, from Buzzwhack:

jitterati:
What the digital generation becomes after sipping one too many cups of Starbucks.

Mayor Bil Green once called the Philadelphia City Council “the worst legislative body in the free world.”

Now it’s number two.

DART stands for Delaware Administration for Rapid Transit, though the acronym has outlived the name–it seems to be “Delaware Transit Corporation” now. And, no, I have not seen a bus dart anywhere.

I took DART to work for several years. The service isn’t bad, as long as your destination is downtown, rather than crosstown (change at Rodney Square).

Nevertheless, a DART bus would not be my choice for a getaway vehicle:

State police responded (to a girl-fight at a local mall–ed.) and chased down her suspected attacker, an 18-year-old woman who had jumped on a DART bus to escape.

DJ explains why men don’t read directions (or ask for them).

Let’s all go to the comedy club to watch persons type:

The 6,000-strong crowd was excited, the atmosphere febrile and the hecklers poised – but the comedians taking part in last night’s Twitter Comedy Club (@tweetcomedyclub) would never have known it. They were all sitting comfortably at their computers, waiting for their turn in the first standup gig to be done purely through the medium of Twitter.

When I was in high school, we had a substitute who like the chunk erasers at boys who, in his opinion, were not paying attention.

Philadelphia school teacher is under investigation for allegedly throwing a stapler that struck a student in the head.

The mother of 15-year-old Ahmad Pone says she took him to The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia where he received four stitches in his forehead Friday afternoon.

No one’s ripping this off, not without a forklift:

’nuff said:

Police blame a local developer for installing “no parking” signs around a popular city restaurant that resulted in 233 tickets being written in a two-year span.

(snip)

In a 23-page report released this week, Kochen said developer Mike Bronson admitted recently to installing the signs along the city’s right of way after initially denying it.

Via GNC.

From an email:

This is PRECISELY the reporting/evaluative strategy used by FOX, Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Gingrich, Coulter, Beck, and other reactionay right-wing pundits in couching their arguments these days!

*****************************************************

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

Many females use a date-rape-drug on the market called ‘ Beer’. The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that ‘something bad’ occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings, in a familiar scam known as ‘a relationship’. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as ‘marriage’.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this ‘ Beer ‘ scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up ‘Golf Courses’ in the phone book.

For a video to see how Beer works click here: Beer Demo

H/T Susan for the chuckles.

Jennifer Openshaw writes at MarketWatch:

Imagine this: You tweet your buddies that you’re headed into an interview with another company — and the company that currently employs you discovers you’re on the job hunt. Yikes. That’s exactly what happened with one employee, according to Jeremiah Owyang, senior analyst at Forrester Research.

“The guy’s corporate communications team at his current employer discovered this and tweeted back, saying ‘I hope your new employer knows how to use social media better than you do,'” Owyang said.

The article goes on to provide tips on how to be a toot tweet successfully.

University of Delaware:

UD’s visitor center recently was declared to have some of the best porcelain thrones in higher education when the school won the “TargetX Bowl” — a contest that named them No. 1 in visitor’s center bathrooms at a large university.

He should have pulled into the emergency parking pull-off.

Details here.

Dumbness is the cause of too much texting.

It never fails. When something new comes along and catches the attention of the Younger Generation ™, armchair shrinks appear with papers and telly vision interviews (before that, it was Marconi’s Magic Box; before that, Chatauquas; before that, drums) claiming that “It (whatever it is) is ruining our youth. Gasp. Horrors. (Book contract?)”

Spurred by the unlimited texting plans offered by carriers like AT&T Mobility and Verizon Wireless, American teenagers sent and received an average of 2,272 text messages per month in the fourth quarter of 2008, according to the Nielsen Company — almost 80 messages a day, more than double the average of a year earlier.

The phenomenon is beginning to worry physicians and psychologists, who say it is leading to anxiety, distraction in school, falling grades, repetitive stress injury and sleep deprivation.

Frankly, the kids who suffer from anxiety, distraction in school, falling grades, repetitive stress injury and sleep deprivation would find some way to do so if cell phones and text messages did not exist.

I did.

Boy, did I go to school in the wrong era!