C’est Rire category archive

If I see one more article about Susan Boyle, I think I shall scream.

A potential new field for all those unemployed lawyers and soon-to-graduate law students and science students out there. From Scientific Blogging:

It is said that people go into psychology to understand themselves…well, one of my main reasons why I went into genetics was to prove that I was not related to my family. That, of course, didn’t happen – The Addams Family is a more functional collection of misfits than my assortment of relatives, but now I may have a second option. Maybe I can sue my parents for the genetic material that they gave me.

Does it sound like I just took a break from reality? Maybe…but in today’s world anything may be possible. A recent case in New York State may have set the stage for me to actually proceed with my lawsuit.

’nuff said:

But Nevada – the only state in which brothels are legal, licensed and regulated – is facing a budget shortfall. The incoming taxation chairman, Democratic state senator Bob Coffin, has proposed to fill the state’s coffers by imposing a $5 tax on acts of prostitution in legal brothels. Despite support from the owners of the brothels, his plan has been rejected. Senator Coffin responded that “people weren’t willing to get their hands dirty”. But these communities already have “dirty hands”: they benefit from the local taxes and fees paid by brothels and their workers.

Some dude driving around in a convertible with the top down.

And it was a balmy 47 Fahrenheits. Or he was balmy. Or something.

A 26-year-old Chesapeake City, Md., woman fell into a well Wednesday afternoon after trying to save her pitbull and ended up needing rescuing of her own.

On first look, one wonders why, then one remembers, pets are family.

Just as if they were children, one runs after them first and thinks later. And, just as if they were children, one sometimes hopes that they run away, but, then, if they do, one looks for them frantically.

Well, usually.

On second look, one realizes that, if the dog had been any other breed, the story would have read, “dog,” not “pitbull.” Thus have the Michael Vicks of the world trashed the reputation of pitbulls.

It was quite a gas to watch a Law and Order: CI episode with Stephen Colbert as the killer.

An Easter Buggy:

(used with permission)

Plus this.

Brewster via Gene Weingarten.

Read the article here.

Lives, that is.

. . . count for nothing.

The recession clearly took a cut out of plastic surgery in 2008 with U.S. cosmetic surgeries down 9 percent to $11.8 billion, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS).

But some surgeons and patients are now citing increased interest in surgery among people wanting to look younger and “fresher” for the ever-competitive job market.

(snip)

“Before the economy turned down, people would come in because they wanted to have more fun and enjoyment out of life,” (surgeon Payman Simoni–ed,) he said. “But now plastic surgery has become a necessity for some. People cannot only rely on their skills in this market. They want to look refreshed and youthful so they can compete for jobs,” he said.

Me, I earned every one of these grey hairs, and I’m keeping them.

Booze ‘n Breakfast, that is.

From El Reg.

The moral of the story: Whenever you adopt new technology, do it with your eyes open.

I would not want to climb Sideling Hill on US 30, so I’m glad I headed south, not west, this weekend:

A 65-mile stretch of the Pennsylvania Turnpike is to close for five hours starting late Saturday night so two bridges in Cumberland County can be demolished.

The closing affects the area between Breezewood and Carlisle. Eastbound traffic is to be diverted off the turnpike starting at 11 p.m. Saturday and westbound traffic at 11:30 p.m.

I know the Pa. Turnpike very well. It is an amazing feat of engineering.

No state other than Pennsylvania could manage to turn a road through some of the most beautiful mountains in the world into a tremendously boring and dreary ordeal. Except for the drop from the Laurel Highlands down towards Pittsburgh, it is sleep-inducing. And that’s for the driver.

Bringing new meaning to the term, “the old ball and chain”:

An American woman handcuffed herself to her sleeping husband in an apparent attempt to resolve an argument, but police ended up breaking into their home and charging her with assault and other crimes, authorities said on Tuesday.

These could be your salad days:

A northbound tractor-trailer truck hit the back of an 18-wheel Perdue Farms Inc. tank truck at an intersection here early Monday afternoon, closing northbound U.S. Route 13 and spilling the truck’s liquid contents.

The tank’s signs indicate that the substance is vegetable oil, but crews at the scene did not immediately identify it.

Investors turn to shamuses (not shamans, as in the past) to look into investment firms. From Bloomberg:

Firms like Shain’s (First Advantage Investigative Services LLC–ed.) say they are seeing an increase in requests for background checks on fund managers in the wake of high-profile fraud cases against Bernard Madoff in New York, Florida’s Arthur Nadel and R. Allen Stanford and his Antigua- based bank. In all, the men are accused of cheating clients out of as much as $73 billion.

“Investors are being more careful in checking out where they put their money,” said Pete Turecek, a senior managing director overseeing hedge funds at Kroll Inc., a risk-consulting company in New York “As the economy continues to weaken, some people including money managers may be drawn to taking shortcuts.”

The dumb ones get caught.

Authorities say the detectives were working inside the building (police headquarters–ed.) late Saturday night when they noticed the (undercover police car’s) emergency lights and brake lights turn on.

They said they ran out to the car and found Plainfield resident Timoteo Ixcuna inside the vehicle. He was charged with burglary and criminal mischief to city property.

(The smart ones get, natch, bonuses.)

The wrong time to take a nap.

Where I come from, you can’t take a cellular phone into the court house unless you are an employee. I asked one of the guards why, and he said it was because of the cameras and the recorders in the phones, not because of the telephones themselves:

A building materials company and its owner have appealed a $12.6 million verdict against them, alleging that a juror posted messages on Twitter.com during the trial that show he’s biased against them.

The motion seeking a new trial was filed Thursday on behalf of Russell Wright and his company, Stoam Holdings. It claims juror Johnathan Powell sent eight messages — or “tweets” — to the micro-blogging Web site via his cellular phone.

Via RawStory.