C’est Rire category archive

Now I get it.

Alexis Wright, a 29-year-old fitness instructor from Wells (Maine–ed.), has pleaded not guilty to prostitution, invasion of privacy and other charges for allegedly accepting money for sex and secretly videotaping her encounters. Her business partner also has pleaded not guilty.

Searches of Wright’s studio and office turned up video recordings of sexual acts, billing information and meticulous records about clients, according to court documents.

The cops are ISO the johns.

Free weights and a bicycle are much safer.

A judge in Effingham County (Georgia–ed.) has appointed a lawyer to represent a pit bull dog accused of attacking a 5-year-old boy.

The lawyer is doing this pro bono.

The sign at a Portland road construction site was changed by a hacker to read “Warning Zombies Ahead!” on Wednesday morning. It originally read “Night work 8 pm-6 am. Expect delays.”

The story reports that city officials were not amused.

I drive.

I fail to see how the revised warning was in any way inappropriate.

Navy Operational Support Center groundbreaking planned today in Moon

You can get there via the Imperial cruiser.

Thanks to PoliticalProf for this.

Yet last month it appeared that Arnie (the beagle–ed.) had scored the kind of coup that rewards cold deliberation: He shredded and then ate most of a $300 wad of cash while his owners, Corey and Hope O’Kelley, slept.

Almost all the money was recovered.

The story describes the recovery process in far more detail than necessary.

Excerpt:

So instead of offering up my usual blend of satirical and enlightening news coverage, I’m just going to report the news as summarized by you, the viewers, via facebook.

Here we go…

Football, football, Obama, football, Clinton, Clinton, football, Obama, Clinton, football …football.

The Providence Journal reports that Lynne Taylor is accused in Warwick municipal court of training the bird, Willy, to say expletives.

The bird allegedly aimed the invectives at the neighbors, who happen to be Taylor’s ex-husband and his girlfriend.

Reminds me of the pastor who was willed a parrot by one of his flock, an reformed pirate. To the embarrassment of the pastor, the parrot swore, well, like a sailor. He was bemoaning this at Sunday school one day when a lady said, “I have a parrot and all she does is pray all day. Maybe we should introduce them.”

The pastor agreed and arranged a visit.

As soon as he saw the lady’s parrot, the minister’s parrot whistled and said, “Hey, Baby, let’s get it on!”

Wait for it.

Read more »

The reason is so far unknown, but the influence of foreign substances has been ruled out.

I’m betting it has something to do with the laptop on the console.

An officer was returning from a call a few blocks away when he struck Thomasville High School at 1:56 a.m., Thomasville police Lt. Donnie Rowe said. The school is on Unity Street. Rowe said it appeared the officer was returning to Salem Street.

School Principal Deboy Beamon said he received a call about the wreck at 2 a.m. When he arrived he found a patrol cruiser parked in an assistant principal’s office.

Follow the link. The picture is a hoot.

Via Bob Cesca’s Awesome Blog.

A. P. Ticker comments:

Lisa Scottolini tells about her devotion to her electronic face washer.

So I was primed for the ads I began to see for an electronic face washer. I snapped one up as soon as it became available, even though it wasn’t cheap.

Why?

Because I can’t be expected to wash my face all by myself.

That would be free, easy, and normal.

Also I read that the electronic face washer exfoliates your skin, and as all women know, exfoliate is the magic word.

Somewhere, Billy Mays is smiling.

When we used to go to Wildwood, the Big Johnson tee-shirts were about as risque as it got.

They seem to be on the tame side these days.

No-no-no-no-nobody does tacky like Wildwood.

Makes me want to go back.

Via Bob Cesca.

Er, whoops.

Life’s trajectory is imperfect. Some days you get the neighbor’s mail by mistake. Some days a baseball falls in your yard. Some days, it’s a military cargo plane, misplaced on a tiny Davis Islands airport, right beside the dog beach.

The neighbor’s phone rings. The kid knocks. The Air Force shows up in a caravan to reclaim what is lost and promptly launches an investigation to learn the details of how this happened.

How, that is, a behemoth C-17 cargo plane landed at the wrong airfield.

What are the odds that the crew will end up on drone duty?