Words Fail Me category archive

Meet me where the River of Stupid flows into the Bay of Hysterical Reaction . . . .

It’s lights out for these folks, according to the San Jose Mercury-News’s Mr. Roadshow:

A survey by Response Insurance, a national car insurer, found that 42 percent of drivers who don’t signal say they don’t have enough time, 23 percent admit they are just plain lazy, 17 percent don’t signal because when they do, they forget to turn it off, 12 percent say they are changing lanes too frequently to bother, 11 percent say it is not important, 8 percent say they don’t signal because others don’t, and, get this, 7 percent say forgoing the signal “adds excitement to driving.”

Staten Island, New York.

The Transportation Security Administration has been quietly removing its X-ray body scanners from major airports over the last few weeks and replacing them with machines that radiation experts believe are safer.

The TSA says it made the decision not because of safety concerns but to speed up checkpoints at busier airports. It means, though, that far fewer passengers will be exposed to radiation because the X-ray scanners are being moved to smaller airports.

Wonder whether Michael Chertoff will have to return his lobbying fees.

There is no truth to the rumor that the Wedding Industrial Complex has gotten completely out of hand. None whatsoever.

Farnsworth bemoans his public school education in history, you know, the one based on stuff what actually happened.

Oh, my.

My way.

A (Portland, Oregon–ed.) woman who tried to help her friend save the life of a choking cat also contracted the plague from the disease-stricken feline over the summer, health officials said Friday.

She recovered.

Just take a look at this.

Reminds me of a book of optical illusions I had when I was a kid. Jeez oh man.

Authorities say a “compromising” picture of a woman, posted to Facebook, was the catalyst for a hoax that forced an airliner from Philadelphia to turn around in mid-flight.

He called the airport alleging that the person who supplanted him in his ex-girlfriend’s affections was packing explosives.

Said rival completed his trip and promptly got pinched over some outstanding warrants.

Toys for the New Gilded Age.

The other day I went to the doctor for a routine checkup.

As I got on the scale, the nurse, who looked late-twentyish-early-thirtyish, said something like, “You’re awfully spry for such an old geezer.” (Not her exact words, but you catch my meaning, you get my drift.)

I said,

Yes, but I have this picture in my attic . . . .

She had no idea to what I alluded.

In the San Jose Mercury-News, Scott Herhold rounds up nominees for his NIMBY awards. A nugget:

For several years now, the folks in San Jose’s Hanchett Park neighborhood have dreamed of replacing a Pizza Hut restaurant at Race and Park streets with a pocket park. They’ve even drawn up schematics for a bit of greenery that would need city funding. San Jose Councilman Pierluigi Oliverio tells an intriguing story about the reaction of a few other neighbors. “Will there be children in the park?” they asked. When told yes, they said, “Well, maybe a park isn’t such a good idea.”

From the “If I Told You I’d Have To Kill You” Dept.

In a letter (PDF) recently sent to Senators Ron Wyden (D-OR) and Mark Udall (D-CO), the National Security Agency’s (NSA) Inspector General explains that he cannot provide an estimate of how many Americans the agency has spied on, because doing so would “would itself violate the privacy of U.S. persons.”

Nonestly, you can’t make this stuff up.

More fancy footwork at the link.

I had been under the comfortable delusion that Chia Pets had gone the way of Pet Rocks until my friend brought home her birthday present.

It comes in two flavors: “Determined” and “Happy.”

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This is really too stupid for words.

But not at all surprising, given Republicans’ pervy preoccupation with sex.

The defendant testifies in the Philadelphia should-have-been-a-RICO trial.

Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.

Twitting is beyond him:

But (Philadelphia City–ed.) Councilman Jim Kenney apparently needs help. Professional help.

The at-large councilman is spending $28,800 in taxpayer money this fiscal year for the Center City-based company ChatterBlast to perfect his “social-media strategy.” The company monitors his Twitter and Facebook pages, and has posted on Kenney’s campaign-funded website.

No other Council member pays a contractor to help with Twitter. Just Kenney, who has the third-priciest staff on Council. He has 10 staff members with a payroll of $654,034, including his salary – plus another outside communications consultant.

A Republican have apparently decided that the Girl Scouts have gone over the edge into radicalism, based on “a small amount of web research.”

Really, what is there to add?