Gunnuttery category archive

A clean society is a polite society:

Atlantic Medivac and local authorities were sent to 803 Cedar Street shortly before 7:30 p.m. Upon arrival, authorities discovered 26-year-old Jarred Johnson of Kimballton with a gunshot wound in the lower left leg. An investigation determined Johnson was cleaning his weapon when it accidentally discharged.

Politeness is next to cleanliness.

Witnesses state that Hambaugh was sitting in the kitchen, preparing to clean his handgun.

When Hambaugh attempted to disassemble the gun a round had inadvertently been left in the handgun.

As he attempted to remove the slide, the bullet discharged.

It struck the inside of Hambaugh’s left thigh, traveled through the thigh, and after exiting struck the (nine-month-old–ed.) child in the head.

Note how “he had negligently left a round” morphs into “a round had inadvertently been left,” as gun nuts are never responsible for what they do because they have Second Amendment rights–just ask them.

If you read such reports regularly, you will see this pattern: Gun nuts who negligently inadvertently injure or kill others always do so in the passive voice.

The stupid, it burns.

The ammosexuals were out in force at our recent City Council Meeting (link complete with picture of one wannabe Wyatt’s personal Real-Big-Man enhancement device).

Be polite in school.

A 13-year-old student accidentally shot himself in the leg with a gun he brought to school in his backpack, according to police.

More guns will no doubt prevent incidents like this in the future.

Play your beer pong avec politesse.

According to the Liberty County Sherriff’s Office, investigators are searching for two men who allegedly shot up the party after losing at the beer pong table. Deputies identified the suspects as Decoris “Red” Rucker, 24, and Chris “Crazy Chris” Hackett.

I don’t know the rules of beer pong (I assume there are “rules”). And I don’t want to. It appears to be too stupid for words.

Be polite to the competition.

State police said Tyler Glenn Peters, of Kittanning, was wounded in the left upper thigh when another shooter’s rifle accidentally discharged while the shooters were putting away their rifles after the competition. The incident occurred around 9 p.m. at the gun club in Boggs, Armstrong County.

Forget background checks. We need IQ tests for gun buyers.

Colorado is being overrun by hunters for elk season.

“Wear extra orange,” big game hunting guide Jim Arnold said as he led a group of hunters into the woods of Summit County last week. “That’s what I tell my guys.”

I wonder how many of these folks will fill their freezers with elk meat and how many want to bag an elk just to prove that they are Real Big Men.

. . . and a polite society does its laundry.

The woman, said to be in her 60s, picked up her husband’s pants and shook them at about 1:15 p.m., Sgt. Felipe Alicia said.

“He carries a firearm in his pants pocket and it fell out and went off,” Alicia said. “ … There are no signs of foul play or any signs of violence and we are classifying this as an accidental injury.”

Afterthought:

Gunnuttery, n, from “gun”+”nut” (meaning someone with diminished mental capacity or ammosexual fetish) + the suffix “(t)ery” indicating “syndrome”: what happens when firearms meet stupid.

This man’s gunnuttery almost killed his wife. “Almost” is a better outcome than gunnuttery usually produces.

Play with your toys, politely.

Habersham County authorities said a 25-year-old man died Thursday after he accidentally shot himself Wednesday night as he was playing with a .38 revolver.

Authorities say he didn’t know the gun was loaded. No word on whether he was.

And, in more news of the heeled . . . .

Be polite at the drive-through:

“He was in a car there in the drive-thru, and he was moving the pistol from the side door pocket to the glove box, and it went off and accidently shot him in the thigh,” said Capt. Tommy Lovett with the Alexander City Police Department.

Also, another gun that magically fires itself.

Via Southern Beale.

The hunt for politeness.

He is accused of firing a shot from a 12-gauge shotgun toward ducks while hunting on the west side of the Schroon River, across the river from Adirondack Adventure Resorts campground. He was off duty at the time.

A man who was outside a camper called police after he heard a shot fired, and was hit in the leg with a small projectile. Police believe the projectile was a pellet from duck shot, fired from about 400 feet away. It did not penetrate his skin or go through his pants, officials said. He suffered a bruise that did not require medical treatment.

He said he saw the campground, but he told hisself it was closed so he go shoot.

More polite parenting.

The warrants state that Anderson left a loaded .25-caliber semi-automatic pistol unsecured in a tackle box in the sunroom of the suspect’s home on Northview Court.

Anderson’s 3-year-old son was playing in the sunroom when he found the gun, then accidentally shot himself, police said.

Spontaneous politeness. It’s like spontaneous combustion; if you combine the right elements, stuff happens.

About 2 p.m. Sunday, deputies responded to a call for help at the Lemoore Sportsman Range in the 23000 block of Elgin Avenue, west of Highway 41 and south of the Kings River.

Deputies learned that a bullet hit a woman in the leg without actually coming out of the barrel of a gun.

Maria Ramos, 48, had placed a live .22 caliber rim-fire bullet on a table. The bullet fell off the table and hit concrete, causing it to discharge, wounding Ramos in her upper right leg.

Brotherly politeness:

An 8-year-old boy died Saturday afternoon from a single gunshot wound following an accidental discharge of a revolver by his brother at their residence in northern Bossier Parish.

Yet more self-politeness:

Ronad Niel, 56, Arnold, told deputies he had been target shooting at a firing range off Highway 185 and Route A in Washington County.

At one point, Niel lsaid he lowered a handgun he had been shooting, thinking it was empty, and the gun discharged striking him in the upper leg.

More self-politeness:

Meyers says an investigation determined that Heywood had retrieved the gun from a safe, and was showing it to family members when it accidentally discharged (hitting him in the thigh–ed.).

“The man legally owned the gun,” he said, “had a permit to carry it. Alcohol was not a factor in this incident. No charges will be filed.”

I like that last bit. If you can’t handle a gun when you are stone cold sober, you aren’t competent to handle a gun. In this case, it appears that stupid is the best defense.

Share the politeness.

An Oregon man openly carrying his brand new handgun was robbed of the firearm Saturday by another armed man.

That went just like the NRA predicted.

Afterthought:

I was telling my friend about this story; she asked rhetorically whether open-carry is in fact a “phallic fallacy.”

Be polite so as to ensure domestic tranquility.

Two juveniles who were also present at the time of the shooting told deputies that the male and female were arguing before the male exited and fired a weapon, the release states. The female followed and the arguing started again before another shot was heard, the juveniles reported.

The woman is in the hospital recovering from all that politeness.

Be polite to random strangers.

A shootout today at the Stockton Flea Market left a 22-year-old man dead of gunshot wounds, police said.

Every city, Dodge City. Every hill, Boot Hill.