C’est Rire category archive

. . . and he found himself in the rough.

The Genesee County sheriff says they got a report that someone dressed as a clown was operating a stolen golf cart in the western New York town of Batavia on Sunday night. Deputies found 37-year-old James Straub, of Stoneham, Mass., driving along a road.

He wasn’t dressed as a clown – just wearing some colorful clothing after an outing at Terry Hills Golf Course. But deputies say he was intoxicated.

Via Wait! Wait!

From today’s local rag:

Sunday morning – with no power and a case of cabin fever – presented the perfect moment to attempt manifold cookery. I’d heard stories about construction workers warming lunches on truck engines, but the idea had the flavor of an urban myth.

Not so, say the authors of “Manifold Destiny,” a chatty, how-to-cook-on-your-car-engine cookbook. Chris Maynard and Bill Scheller trace the idea of cooking with heat generated by propulsion back to the Huns, who tenderized meat by tucking it beneath their saddles.

Recipes at the link. Let me know if you try one, because I’m not planning to.

Aptonym: the food writer is named “Eaton.”

I was in the hardware store yesterday and watched a guy return three flashlights and two dozen batteries.

She probably could not have figured out how to use it anyway.

In a new variation on the “brick in a box” scam, a South Carolina woman who thought she purchased an iPad from two men in a McDonald’s parking lot discovered yesterday that the purported tablet was actually “a piece of wood painted black with an Apple logo.”

But it could have been:

A 36-year-old woman faced with a customs search at Bermuda’s LF Wade International Airport rather brilliantly responded by instantly shedding her clothes and telling officers: “If you want to see me naked, you can do it right . . . here.”

The bride has a new color: orange.

A Pennsylvania couple married a week ago allegedly attempted to shoplift more than $1000 of merchandise from a supermarket–items they planned to use for their wedding reception last Friday afternoon.

When $10,000 worth of diamonds went missing from an Albany jewelry store, employees say they suspected the heist was an inside job.

So they took X-rays of Honey Bun, a beloved dog who greets customers at the store, and determined that the pooch ate the diamonds.

The stones were recovered the next day. No details were given about the recovery process.

From yesterday’s local rag:

I’m not so sure it’s a typo so much as a Freudian slip.

Wall Street banking is not much different from Faro these days. Everyone plays against the bank and the bank wins.

Ballooning out of control.

A 94-year-old Ohio woman who woke up to discover that a breakaway blimp from a nearby airport had landed in her backyard said she heard a bang during stormy weather but didn’t realize what happened until police knocked on her door about seven hours later.

It reads like the beginning of an episode of Bones:

Authorities has said the boy hooked the foot Wednesday and reeled it to within 3 feet of his boat before it fell back into the murky lake water.

The foot turned out to be a Hallowe’en prop.

. . . for your Gilbert Chemistry Set:

Police say four teenagers at the Jersey shore triggered an explosion during an experiment, leaving a 17-year-old with minor burns.

Beachwood Police Chief William Cairns says the teens mixed several ingredients, including chlorine, when the blast occurred in a home Tuesday night.

Afterthought:

Chemistry sets would probably be considered too hazardous for today’s fragile flowers of youth.

At Comically Vintage.

. . . at Comically Vintage.

. . . break something.

Unhappy that a Lafayette Road car dealer wouldn’t take back the van he bought on Monday, David Cross drove “the lemon” back after the dealer closed on Tuesday and crashed it into six cars parked on the lot for sale.

“I hit the first $25,000 car I could see,” Cross told the Herald. “I didn’t hit a car under $20,000. Then I moved a van that they wouldn’t come down on the price for. I moved it with the lemon they sold me. I just held it to the floor until I couldn’t move it anymore. I took out seven vehicles, including my own.”

The public is rallying to his defense.

Via Dave Barry.

No, I’m not talking about a politician for once.

I’m talking about TruTV.

I once worked with a railroad police captain on a series of projects.

One thing that really irked him was the “cops and doughnuts” stories. He used to complain, “I don’t even like doughnuts.”

He would have told this clown that this was a bad idea:

Angered that police were investigating an assault that reportedly occurred inside his home Saturday night, a South Carolina man tossed a box of doughnuts at the cops and announced, “I brought you some *#$@#*% donuts, don’t y’all like donuts.”

A horse in Elbert County (Colorado–ed.) got into a bit of jam (sic) this morning when he fell through a window well into his owner’s basement and rescue teams could not get it out.

The horse was unhurt.

Picture at the link.