C’est Rire category archive

Folks really need to remember that social networking sites are, after all, public places.

Personally, I always preferred mescaline:

In further proof that NASCAR engineers really ought to be focusing their astonishing intellectual energies on curing cancer or fighting terrorism rather than racing around tracks, Brian Vickers has been nailed for reducing the weight of his car by altering the aluminum. How?

By dipping the aluminum in acid.

My neighbor just told me he got a text from a friend pointing out that the Federal Guv’mint took over the Mustang Ranch and lost money on it.

They couldn’t make money on whorehouse vacation destination and now they want to run* the banks.

___________________

*As opposed to “regulate.”

Do We Call Chris the Plumber or Joe the Tow Truck Driver?

A tractor-trailer overturned before dawn on a Burlington County thorofare causing detours and delays for hundreds of early morning commuters.

(snip)

The truck was reportedly carrying a load of toilets. The load will be offloaded before the truck can be uprighted before 8 a.m., Jones said. Traffic was being detoured to Interstate 295.

Her bra was an attention-getter:

A Colorado woman stranded on a rocky ledge in the Bavarian Alps for nearly three days was rescued after she used her sports bra to signal for help.

Berchtesgaden, Germany police officer Lorenz Rasp said that he helped lift Jessica Bruinsma, 24, of Colorado Springs to safety by helicopter on Thursday after she caught the attention of lumberjacks by attaching her sports bra to a cable used to haul timber down the mountain.

H/T Karen for the link.

Todd recorded his podcast in a live feed today.

I listened and joined the chat room.

When the time came, he asked us listeners to put our phone numbers into the chat room. Then he pumped the numbers into a randomizer.

And my phone rang.

Oh, yeah, and there was a monetary prize, just for answering the phone.

Now, if Opie others had been paying attention, they could have joined the fun.

I think I’ll go to Delaware Park tomorrow. I once hit an Exacta there for $237.00. Maybe my number’s about to come up again.

Addendum, Later the Next Day:

You can listen to the show here. If you really want my high-pitched whine of a voice (which Opie endured for must of a week), Todd called me about 58 minutes into the show.

My podcatcher hasn’t brought down the show yet.

License Plate: Blk Diva.

Rear Window Decal: Blk Diva.

Third Brake Light: Blk Diva. (I kid you not–it was in the lens.)

The owner of this vehicle clearly is not suffering an identity crisis.

For curiosity’s sake, I wanted to catch up with the vehicle so as to glom the driver, but Second Son’s 1992 Ford Ranger’s–(I was on my way to 84 Lumber and it has a bigger bed than my Little Yellow Truck)–Second Son’s 1992 Ford Ranger’s get up and go long ago got up and went (that’s why a 1992 Ford Ranger is a perfect vehicle for Second Son. It’s got “not up and are you kidding me?”)

H/T Karen for this link (It’s an AP story, so all you get is a summary):

In Lincoln, Nebraska, a gentleman decided that a thong was an appropriate substitute for gym shorts. Story here.

And here in the Greater Philadelphia Co-Prosperity Sphere:

Four people accused of stealing $2,200 worth of bras in Media may have been key players in an interstate ring estimated to have cost Victoria’s Secret stores as much as $1 million, according to Pennsylvania State Police.

“If what Victoria’s Secret is saying proves to be true, this is a pretty significant arrest,” said Trooper Jonathan Sunderlin, community services officer in Media.

More than a week ago, state police began looking for a gray Dodge Magnum with Rhode Island plates after employees reported a theft from the Victoria’s Secret at the Granite Run Mall.

So, on Sunday afternoon, when employees reported another theft, troopers were able to quickly spot the vehicle leaving the mall and arrest the three men inside, Sunderlin said.

Police searched the car and found the bras, as well as fake receipts, cut-up security tags, money, and gift cards, he said.

The question that occurs to me is this: Just how or where do you sell a stolen brassiere?

Not having any training gigs lately, I’ve been doing some work around the house.

The past two days, I’ve been rebuilding the shed. It was guaranteed for five years when I got it 15 years ago, so I can’t complain.

It’s been falling down for the past three years. For the past two, I haven’t been able to close the doors, because they were supporting the building.

So, yesterday, I ran down to 84 and got some lumber. Then I thought a while and, on the way back from the dentist, stopped at Home Depot and got some more lumber. (I generally try to avoid Home Depot, but it was right there on the way home; if it’s something I can’t find at the local hardware store, 84 is my first choice, Lowe’s, my second choice.)

I jacked up the lowest side with my trusty hydraulic bottle jack and placed supports under the roof, then boarded over the side with a 4′ X 8′ sheet of plywood. I then jacked up the other side and supported it.

Using my pipe clamp, I squared the front, which was easily five inches out of square, and nailed everything down.

Today I built and installed two new doors.

Tomorrow I am going to skirt in the bottom with plywood to cover the rot, then paint.

For an outlay of about $150, I’ll get at least five more years out of this puppy.

Of course, I would rather have a new shed, but I’m not ready to drop three grand on the vinyl 10′ X 8′ number I want, at least not until I get a new gig.

Addendum, 6/22/08:

Finished.

“So,” I said to the vet, “how come, when she brings me a present of a half-eaten mouse, she always eats the front half and leaves me the back half?”

The vet said, “Don’t ask me to explain anything cats do.”

Can be a lot of fun Whoops, almost forgot myself there.

Here and here.

I used to listen to Air America over the innertubes, since there is no Air America station here.

I was particularly fond of the Al Franken show. It was very lowkey and extremely literate.

But it appears that, in the eyes of some, there is no place for a professional comedian in an electoral race.

Only for accidental ones.

’nuff said:

The residents of a Romanian village knowingly voted in a dead man as their mayor in Sunday’s municipal election, preferring him to his living opponent.

I’ve found a new sport (emphasis added):

Whether it has any bearing on Monday’s crunch Euro 2008 match between the two countries is debatable but Austria drew first blood on Sunday when their topless women’s soccer team beat Germany 10-5.

The traditional swapping of shirts afterwards was not an option as the six-a-side teams wore nothing but thongs, with the national colors painted on to their bare skin.

Thanks to John Cole.

Take the quiz.

Ride, Sarah, ride:

Westport police have charged a Staples High School senior and her father with breach of peace for bringing a pony to the school.

The girl, Sarah Friedson, 17, walked her chocolate-colored pony, Cocoa, to the school Friday, to celebrate the last day of classes before final exams. She held sign that read “Save Gas” on one side, “Staples 2008” on the other. Her father, Ronald, drove behind them with his blinkers flashing.

The school called police, saying they were concerned for the safety of students.

Westport police said in a written statement that the girl had ignored a security guard and earlier warnings not to bring the animal on school property.

Ronald Friedson said the pony is docile, 20-years-old, and blind in one eye.

“Overkill would be an understatement,” Friedson said Friday night. “This is a 25-year-old pony, who is only dangerous to a carrot.”

From the Demon Princess (oh, this is good!):

Your Demon happened to stumble upon Night Line last night just as it was reporting viewers’ responses to the question whether Obama should invite Hillary to serve as his vice-president ~

Answers:

1. Caller: “I won’t vote for him unless he does!”

2. Caller: “Should a boy scout invite/take a rattlesnake into bed with him on his first camping trip?”

While I’m on the subject, there was a great letter to the editor in the local rag today. Perhaps a little more blunt than I might have been, but, oh well (judging by the writer’s name, it was written by a woman). Here’s the crucial excerpt:

A word to the angry women: Hillary Clinton lost . . . ! She couldn’t win fairly; she couldn’t even win dirty. She even tried changing the rules, but she just lost. It’s over. Now, if her supporters want to cut off their noses to spite their faces and vote for a Republican, they will show how monumentally childish they can be – and how incredibly destructive for our country.

Go to El Reg for the video.

On the way home from the hospital today, we almost got caught in this.

The truck was already burning, but the backup from hell was just starting.

On the answering machine:

“Due to the recent rise in the crime rate in your area we are offering the latest” blah blah blah [DELETE] over-priced unnecessary electronic security system.

There has, natch, been no recent rise in the crime rate on my street. The score is still one in the 23 years I’ve lived here, and that was five years ago and we know who did it (couple of teens heisted my neighbor’s ATV).

Needless to say, the call came from my BFF, “Unknown Name/Tollfree Number.”