C’est Rire category archive

So true.

Nobody twits like marketing twits.

Michael Feldman offers a prayer for Thanksgiving.

Read it to settle your soul for the coming festivities.

This restaurant review, linked from Balloon Juice, is equal to the best usenet flames I have ever seen.

I tip my hat.

My old staple gun did not make the move to Virginia Beach. Now, a staple gun is one of those tools that you don’t use often, but, when you need one, nothing else will quite do.

I recently ordered a new staple gun from Publisher’s Clearing House.

Shopping from PCH flyers is like shopping at an outlet mall. “Outlet” on the sign doesn’t promise bargains in the shop. If you know your stuff, you can find good deals; otherwise, otherwise.

I was pleasantly impressed when the staple gun arrived. The tool itself is quite sturdy and solid, is easily powerful enough for home use, and has some features that my old one did not have–definitely good value for the money.

The directions, though, well, can you splet “Giggle Translate.” (I edited the scan to remove the illustrations.)

Heh.

Thieves walked out of a Victoria’s Secret store in Palo Alto Wednesday with $11,000 worth of bras in tow without ever being spotted by employees or other witnesses, police said.

It will be a challenge to bust the bra thieves . . . .

A Bay Area cat that goes by the less-than-confidence-inspiring name of Mr. Nuts has some disappointing news for Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney — he’s going to lose the election.

Mr. Nuts, a tuxedo cat who shares a home in Fremont with Michael Ostrofsky and his family, is known for his ability to predict outcomes in perhaps the most ignoblest of methods.

Forget scientific polls and margins of errors, Mr. Nuts makes his predictions in the litter box. If he picks yours, your fate is sealed, and not in a good way.

You can clean a litter box. You can’t clean Fo-oh, never mind.

That’s after stop, as in “after stop.” The Mercury-News’s Mr. Roadshow reports:

The vast majority of (traffic camera–ed.) tickets go to motorists who simply roll through a right turn on red in what has become known as a “California stop.” In South San Francisco, 98 percent of the 672 red-light violations recorded over one two-month period at El Camino Real and Westborough Boulevard were for right turns. Other cities say four of five tickets go to people turning right on red.

Bully for them, says I.

Heh.

By early Thursday, three drivers had collided with feral hogs in the Lockhart (Texas–ed.) area, said Capt. Jason Roescher of the Lockhart Police Department. No one was injured but one of the cars had to be hauled away because the damage was so bad, he said.

Lockhart police also shot video of a herd of the wild pigs rushing across the highway Wednesday night.

“It’s not unusual to see hogs crossing the local roads,” said Roescher. “We have a big hog problem around here.”

Via the Sacramento Bee.

Two burglary suspects were arrested after they got lost while trying to leave the neighborhood and drove by the crime scene while deputies were there investigating, according to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

Maybe they should have swiped a GPS while they were at it.

I worked for the railroad. The railroad can be a squirrelly place.

Once, I was riding my regular SEPTA train from Narberth to Suburban Station about this time of year. The previous night had been windy, causing a significant fall of leaves. When the engineer tried to slow for Merion, the cover of the leaves on the tracks acted like grease and we slid right through Merion all the way to Overbrook.

I should have known something was wrong when I saw the conductor running towards the rear car . . . .

Then there was the time I slept through a derailment.

I was in the sleeper, which was just behind the baggage car towards the head end.

When the train started to pull in Providence, the rear coach derailed. The crew cut it off and dragged the rest of the train on to Boston, where we arrived on time (there was a lot of fat in the schedule for the overnight train to Boston, so it wouldn’t arrive too early, like at five).

I didn’t even wake up.

But this was truly squirrelly.

While thousands of commuters cursed the fates and blamed aging infrastructure of the delays during the evening commute on Oct. 4, the real culprit was a squirrel that came into contact with a circuit-breaker, Amtrak spokesman Cliff Cole told The Record of Woodland Park.

The circuit-breaker damage caused an electrical transformer to trip and a signal that guides locomotive engineers to go dark.

“. . . a tropical heat wave.

A couple who decided to have sex atop an outdoor table at a Florida restaurant–in full view of families dining nearby–avoided criminal charges because witnesses declined Monday night to provide statements to police.

I wonder which meals they ordered.

Just go look for yourself.

Words fail me.

Via ABLC.